A
female
age
41-50,
*iss demeanor
writes:My boyfriend reassures me all the time that he loves me and i'm the one he wants to be with. He even talks about marriage already. But I still have doubts about his faithfulness. See, he had a lot of girlfriends before me but there is this one girl who belongs to his circle of friends as they had been together for 6 years. They see each other whenever their friends get together. He was honest enough to tell me that he cheated on his past girlfriends with her. The girl would always make herself available for him and this was always a convenient way for him to get laid, whether or not he was in a relationship. The girl is still pining for him and still hopes he gets back with her. She has all their pictures posted in her facebook account while they were still together. She even has one that is tagged "my baby" and that really makes me hate her more. I told my boyfriend, what right does she have that she puts his picture on her profile? He told me to just ignore her or she'll just think that I'm affected which is what she wants to happen in the first place. My boyfriend said that he does not love her anymore, its just that she constantly throws herself at him and he found it hard to refuse. He promised that he will never cheat on me with her like he has done in the past and that he is a changed man. He says that he wouldnt have come clean if he didnt have the intention to cut this girl out of his life. I am positive that my boyfriend hasnt called her or contacted her since we got together because i have all his phone bills and he constantly reminds me that he loves me. I just wonder, for how long? At what point did he start cheating on his past girlfriends with the exgirlfriend from hell?The girl still calls him all the time but my boyfriend ignores her calls. she even terrorizes me with text messages about their past and booty calls. I never said anything to her as i feel that it is beneath me to try and fight with her because its pointless. Yet i am so secretly obsessed with her. i rummage through my boyfriends old stuff and emails to check for anything that is connected to her. i want to get over this obsession and i want to believe that my boyfriend has indeed changed.What should i do???
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female
reader, miss demeanor +, writes (28 April 2008):
miss demeanor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for all your responses, they really help give me a new perspective because i tend to make excuses for my guy...well, my boyfriend deleted all traces of her in the internet and from his phone; from his facebook account to her phone numbers..she has laid low since but she still rings him once in a while and he just ignores those phone calls altogether.but i had a new discovery... i stayed in my boyfriend's house last weekend and he had to work earlier so i was left alone monday morning in his room. It was the first time that i had his room all to myself so i decided to go through some of his stuff and i discovered a trunk full of stuff from his past girlfriends, and of course the biggest bulk of the mementos belong to that particular ex girlfriend as she had been with him the longest...should i feel jealous about the fact that he still keeps all his exes' stuff? or should i just let it go knowing that some people really keep stuff from their past relationships. i guess what i want to know is if a person keeps these items, does it mean that he still has feelings for his ex?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): In my humble opinion, there are two types of partners in this world: those who allow themselves permission to cross the line into cheating, and those who do not - ever. Your man has proven to you that he belongs squarely in the first category. Is this the type of man you want?
Anyway, it's clear you don't trust him, hence the snooping. That's your instincts telling you he isn't trustworthy. And what's a relationship without trust?
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A
female
reader, bfly36  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 it is difficult to believe that a woman can change the ways of a man. Im surprised he has been honest with u and told u this. I would just be cautious and before u marry him make sure he is not cheating and if he does move on u dont need to be his second choice and men don't HAVE to cheat!!!! However if u become obsessed with this it may mess up ur relationship just be cautious, ur gut is usually right, us women just justify things and lie to ourselves.
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