A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my partner finished with me (well said he needed space three weeks ago to apparently find his identity- there is a big age gap but that's not the issue). I couldn't accept that so he changed his locks and email passwords etc. I went round 8 days ago to get some clothes etc and to ask him where I stood. we went on holiday 9 weeks ago and he told me he loved me more than ever and wanted us to start a family, we've chosen names and talked about it lots since being together. since being back his mum has sadly passed away- we didn't always see eye to eye but we're very close the last few months of her life and I was the only one there at her time of need. my patners daughter is a huge spanner in our relationship- very selfish and spoilt despite being an adult. after his mum died she requested that she wants me out of the house when she comes round (we live together and at least one day on a weekend I work for 9 hours so it's not as if I'm at the house all the time but she wanted to come round when I'm there so I'd 'have to go out'. my partner asked me to go out every other weekend which I refused to do and couldn't believe how disrespectfully he was treating me! due to all the arguments between us and him not needing this trivial crap in his life when he'd just lost the most important person in his life, I respected his wishes of moving back in with my mum for a few nights. it hasn't been a few nights - it's now three weeks on. 8 days ago when I went round he told me he doesn't know what he wants and not to wait around for him. he also said that I'm going to want sex sooner or later!!!! he said he doesn't know how long he needs. I said I love him with all my heart etc but he said he doesn't know how he feels. i asked if we'd talk and he said 'yeah ofcourse, we can talk about work and your men"- I don't understand why he's coming out with stuff like this, we've been through so much and I have no other men in my life. I've left him alone since and it's now been 8 days since he contacted me. he's changed his relationship to single on Facebook. it's obviously over and i know his mums just passed away but he did the same thing to me last summer- blanked me for four months (the odd text/call about general life) and then realised he wanted me back- the feeling was so mutual). will he come back to me this time? I've still got stuff at his. when will he contact me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): Just wondering, how old is he and how old is the daughter? Children of any age have problems with their parents new relationships, but maybe its the age difference?
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-breaks-up-with-me-every-summer-and.html
That question is incredibly similar - any chance it is the same person? If not - apologies, and maybe read everyone's advice to her, it should help you.
I will say all the same things as on the post above - he is obviously messing you around and walking all over you, there is no reason to wait around and let him hurt you again.
He has decided it is over and has made the decision to be single, as much as that woll be painful for you, you have to accept it and move on. If he wants to be single then you have to let him go, you cant sit around waiting for him to come crawling back once a year. You deserve more than this, dont allow him to keep breaking up with you and coming back because he will know that you are weak and will let him behave however he wants.
Even if he wants to come back this time - you should not let him, he has acted like such a jerk for a man of his age (he's 50 isnt he, or around that age) and you should not put up with him acting like this. Not only did he ask you to leave your own home at weekends just for his adult daughter, he has also broken up with you before and then came back to you when he felt like it. Now he is accusing you of being with other men and has broken up with you again - when are you going to realise that this is not how relationships should be and you can do a lot better, and be a lot happier?
This man is not a long term partner, nor is this ever going anywhere because of his age. You cannot have kids with a 50 year old man, even if he is still fertile he wont even be around to see these kids grow up. You are living in a fantasy world, where this man is the centre of it and you are deluded by some strange power he has over you.
I know you love him and I'm sure you would like this to work - but he is not comitted to making it work, so why should you stick around when he is treating you this way? Dont you want to be happy again with a man who loves you and would never dream of leaving you? Can you imagine if you actually had kids with him, then he did one of his annual break ups? Imagine having to explain that to you children.
He is not relationship material - end of story. He is too old for you, there is no future, he is clearly afraid of comittment, has jealousy issues, and if you are the same person from that first post - he is off with other women every year when he breaks up with you.
First love is hard - you have nothing to compare the relationship to and dont understand what a real relationship should be like because you have never had one before. But I promise you now - this is not a real relationship and there are plenty of guys out there who will make you far happier than this man ever can.
Move on, and dont ever let him back in your life - it will be best in the long run.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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