A
female
age
30-35,
*ilyflower.n
writes:Ok, Im sixteen but I cannot date. So do any of you guys have a idea of what I could say to persuade my parents otherwise? Reply to this Question
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reader, BooneJohnson  +, writes (24 August 2008):
In about eight years, when my son is 16, he would do best to ease-into the dating scene with me: start by building my confidence in him, meeting girls during the day at places where I drop him off and pick him up again. Like, "Dad, I want to meet this girl and see a movie together...could you drop me off?" I'd agree to that right now, and he's only eight! That's how I did it when I was in jr. high school (and the girls I met were the same age). Then just keep regularly building towards what you consider a proper date. It's all about precedence. Movies, restaurants, sporting events...enclosed, scheduled locations. Don't call them dates, either. If mom or dad wants to tag along the first time or two, welcome them (shows confidence in your date, that there's "nothing to hide"). If they become a pain, apologize to your date and end the outing ABRUPTLY (this is more effective than whining, "mommm, yer embarrassing me"), but give 'em a friendly warning, first. And whatever you do, don't EVER deviate from a plan or mislead your folks. Every time you deceive them, you loose about 6-14 months off your credited age (you're 16 now; after that, they'll see you as 15, and so on).
Think about it from their perspective. I'm afraid my teen is going to sneak off and be lead to cross sexual lines, get into trouble, get in a fight, experiment with drugs (voluntarily or INvoluntarily)…grow-up too quick. So get in their heads. What are they afraid of? Whatever it is, start demonstrating in non-dating situations that it's nothing to worry about. And again, the better they know the other boy/girl (and even their family) the better. Often, just suggesting they meet him casually is enough to break the ice and get permission for a drop-off date. That may sound archaic, but after the first few times they are bound to loosen up. They've got their own lives and they certainly don't want to spend their precious free time chaperoning you for the next two years. They'll probably tire of it quickly.
And if there's any reason why they might not like him/her, consider that. They don't know everything, but they know something. If they meet him/her, hopefully they have the wits to tell a threat from a normal person based on something more than appearance. But you are the girl, and that makes dating alot more dicey for you than the boy: you are physically more vulnerable; socially, more scrutinized; the one who gets pregnant...see? He stands a higher risk of getting called into a fight, murdered, falsely accused, and manipulated.
Are you allowed to hang out with groups of friends, outside school, without parents? Malls, parks, rinks...? If not, you're pretty much up an Amish creek for the next two years with a neurotic, over-protective family. Otherwise it's just a matter of building trust. Why wouldn't they trust you? Would you trust you?
Negotiate. Ask them to give you ten minutes to talk about rules. Begin by listing the reasons you understand they don’t want you to date (don’t miss any) to show you are rational and on the same page as them, and ask how you can build their trust. If they won’t budge, try to work out compromises. Don’t demand or threaten to rebel; this only makes it worse. Any reasonable person should be open to compromise; they already know you can rebel and they do NOT want that. But if my teen so much as intimated rebellion (“Dad, other kids would just sneak out…give me some credit”), I’d see that as a challenge and go into lockdown mode.
Do you have a history of breaking house rules, deception, or dumb mistakes? You’ll have to work harder to build credit. Want to date an older boy? A boy who drives a car? A boy from a different income bracket, race or faith? Another girl? Good luck! You’re may not be able to build up that much credit anytime, soon. Either way, you’re probably not going to get permission to go clubbing by Friday. It will take time. And don’t keep asking if they notice your “mature behavior.” That translates out to, “I’m only temporarily behaving until your give me what I want.” Go three months and quietly save it for the negotiations, if need be.
Bottom line: they are the bosses of you until you turn 18 AND move out on your own, and if you go to war, they will win, and you’ll be miserable. I work in Japan and I can say that one of the most impressive aspects about Japanese over westerners is that where we negotiate and argue towards a win/loose game, they try to find that golden, middle ground where both parties are satisfied. That’s one reason the Japanese rock at business. Good luck
A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (24 August 2008):
My advice is try asking for group dates. Tell them what friends you are going with and who you will be dating. Also tell them where you will be and when you will be home. Also call and t=check in a couple times.
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (24 August 2008):
Im 22 and cus of culture, Im nevr allowed to date...i sitll do it behind their back..yea its hard, yea i feel guilty...but i gotta do wat i gotta do...i know my limits and i stick with em, ikno wat i can and cannot do...if u have enough self control i say, y not go out and hav fun...tell em ur seein ur girl friends (its always my excuse) but then again i dont want u to b like me (a liar) loll...haha u can make a "persuasion power point" and list all the ideas of how u can b a good dater and b sensible (aka not hav sexxxx) which i hav never had...so ask!
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A
female
reader, chloe71z +, writes (24 August 2008):
 If your parents feel that you are not mature enough to date then you should abide by there wishes. When they feel that you are mature enough they will let you know. Talk to your mom and dad. Show them how much you have grown up do you get good grades in school? How about after school activities such as vollyball or softball or mabie school yearbook. These things can show that you are more mature than those who are not. Your parents will come around your there baby girl and its hard sometimes for parents to let go and let there children grow up.
GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS
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A
female
reader, JoBrosRockMySox +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Well Im 14 and my parents let me date because they feel like im more open when I have a man by my side and it just makes me happier when I can count on him to be there for me!
But maybe they are looking out for you because they dont want a man to mess with your heart and make you sad!!!
Maybe you should let them know that you want a relationship and that its tough not being able to date when a lot of other people can!! you should maybe let them know that you may need some1 to make you happy when you are down and you dont always want your bestfriends opinion you might need a boyfriends look on things!
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