A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone :)I wanna ask some opinion, suggestion, and whatever comments from you guys.Here is my situationI'm having a great relationship with my bf for 2 years. We are in the same age, both 22. He is caring, mature and responsible. He makes me feel loved and happy. My parents also like his personality. But, he's having unstable job. Which my parents keep asking me to think back to spend my life with him. He has family business that is develop well, but it need a lot of time, long working hour and physic energy to run the business. Otherwise, I'm come from a middle high class family. My parents runs a factory, I control the admistation and financial department. So I'm almost never use my muscle and physic energy:(Now he's working with a company with low salary, he said that's for gaining some experience and capital to run a new business someday ( he doesn't want to ask some money from his dad and trying to own everything from his own hard work, which he can got that easily but he thinks that's not worth it, yea that's him). He said he knows that I wouldn't get used to his life if I married to him, so he plans to find another business. I believe he would try his best. Sometimes I feel guilty if he doesn't continue his parents business, but then I also know that I can't. He's the only son and now while he's working with other company, his sister and mother who run his family business. Deep in my heart, I still questioning and worry about my future. Should I hear my parents, or go on with him? I think now I still go with the flow with a big hope that he will success and our life will be happy in the future. I always pray for his success and our happiness in my prayer....Am I wrong to hope too much? I wish to marry in 24 or 25. Idk that's possible or not. My parents wish me to marry in the young age so that I can have healthy babies....I wish to marry soon but I'm also don't want to regret my whole life.Thanks for reading :)
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 March 2012):
 There's REALLY only one question, isn't there? ... and that question is: "WHO is going to marry this guy and live life with him, YOU, or your parents?"
The answer to THAT question is the answer to YOUR question.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): You are looking at the wrong reasons to be with someone. His career and money will change. He's only 22. Who knows he could join your family business and be the best manager you've ever had. You just never know. 22 is a very young age for a man. In general, people don't make money and develop their careers well into their late 20's at the earliest. At 22 I was dating a boy for 4 years, he was always struggling, had just finished school and was doing bookkeeping and peoples taxes for money. We broke up over money/other issues. Now he is 30 and a associate VP with a bank. He has hundreds of people under him in his department, makes well over 150,000 + huge bonus each year. 22 is waaaaay to early to say how a person will do in life. The most important thing is that he values you, treats you well, respects and loves you and is you bestfriend. Plus, don't be so overly confident, there could be a time when your family business falls apart and you could be cleaning houses! Thats life!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): To chigirl : I need to help his business because after we married, his parents would retire from their job and nobody would continue their business. There's some secret part of the job that only member of family know and can done it. So his parents wouldn't agree if I'm not helping their job later. He said I could do another business as long as its a useful activities later. But deep down, I hope to become a good mother and wife later. I'm not kind of hardworker Hahaa..
To cerberus : thanks for your advice! Yes, you're right, nowadays its hard to find another man like his personality. He's almost having all the good criteria as a husband and father. That's why my parents still agree on our relationship ( my parents are careful chooser) :D
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 You've asked this question before, but you do not answer the questions we have asked you. Why do YOU need to do HIS work? If his job at the family business requires physical strenght, why does it matter if YOU do not have this hysical strenght?
Why does him following in the family trade mean that YOU must also follow in HIS family trade? It doesn't make sense. And you have not explained that part, even though we have asked you several times to please explain.
There is little sense in having YOU change your life to fit his IF you and him marry. There is also the possibility of him changing his life to fit yours. But the ultimate way to go is for BOTH OF YOU to adapt and fit each others life styles. The one shouldn't ever completely take over for the other.
Again, I fail to see what the problem really is. In my mind, if he needs a strong person to help him at his business then he can HIRE a physically strong person. You wouldn't be expected to work for free, would you? Is this some kind of mystery business where he can only work if he marries a woman willing to work for free?
No, listen here. Stay with this man and work out whatever problems you think you have. Don't leave him over his choice of career and also try to understand that HIS job is NOT your job. Separate the two things in your mind. Your job is your job, his job is his job, and under no circumstance are those two forced to be the same job.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): OP what's the hurry? You don't know what the future may hold, why, at 22, are you worried about the distant future? He may settle into a really great business opportunity in the next 3 years, or he may never find that. Is that really that important to you, or is it more important to your parents? What I'm asking is, is money more important to you than the love, companionship and a good relationship with a good man?
I think you're parents have an idea of the world and relationships that they shouldn't impose on you. A stable job, kids at a certain age, marriage at a certain age and a life all mapped out for you that they think is best. Life's not that simple OP. If you spend as much time as I have on this site you'll see that a good stable relationship with a good person is not as easy to get into as you might think.
Let's say you leave this guy now because he doesn't have stable prospects financially in the immediate future, what happens then?
You go out and look for another guy who has a stable job as you're only prerequisite? You think in the next 2-3 years you'll be able to build up another relationship with a guy who values you as much as this guy with the click of your fingers?
OP it's not only the men who can earn money in a family these days and believe it or not most of us spend our entire lives not having that much money but being very happy and raising beautiful, happy, successful families.
I think you need to stop listening to your parents and figure out what kind of life would be best for you. You can have healthy children all the way up to 35 and even beyond tat these days. You can earn enough money to support an entire family if needs be. There is nothing to say your guy won't be able to provide for his family financially but you have to understand that providing money to the family is the least important role of the father in a family. Mental, emotional, physical security; love, companionship, fatherly love and advice and in my opinion the most important aspect being a good role model, father and husband.
I think you're more likely to regret your life if you stay so rigid in your plan as your parents have set out, if you're incapable of adapting that plan to suit what may actually be best for you and giving you the best chance at happiness. It's very hard to have a life go exactly as we plan it OP. I mean a marriage is about two people, do you really think you're going to find a guy who has the exact same life plan as you? Not likely.
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