A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My Mum and Dad have split. They were not happy for years. He became fat, ugly and miserable. Mum was not seem interested much in him. He wanted her love I know but he was like a puppy dog and she could not give it. Then he was not around and worked nights. My sister and me were definately his girls. Both off to uni soon. Now he has found another woman that he knew when he was a kid and has left us, not just down the road but half a world away. I hate him and never want to speak to him again. I am starving myself. My Mum is a wreck and we are afraid he will take our home away. I feel sick thinking about him and although he tries to email and text me, ask me to come see him, I hate him and never want to see or hear from him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2006): Please stop this hate, because it's festering inside you. What you need to do is learn to forgive your Dad and let him know you need him to stay involved in your life. We know he doesn't live close to you, so accept his phone calls and e-mails. He's reaching out to you because you are still important to him. You are old enough to tell your Mother, even though you feel bad for her pain, let her know you are feeling like you need to take sides and love one parent more than the other. That is so unfair to you because you need your Dad and his love. Start by asking your Mother to please refrain from saying unkind things about your Dad.
Listen hun, divorce and separation is downright nasty business. It's a time of crisis and it can feel devastating. For those of us that have been through it, we've all struggled with feelings that are out of control, angry, lonely, guilty, hopeless and helpless What's happened in your situation dear..is your Mom is deeply hurt but she's forgotten to be strong and protect you and your sister from her own pain. Most parents want the best for their kids and even in the midst of their own pain, they try to help the kids get through the transition. Some parents like your Mother, are so deeply hurt and angry at their spouse, that they may put their own needs ahead of those of their own kids. They in effect, permit their children to carry their load. I feel this could be happening in your home and it's causing even more stress and potential long-term damage than the separation, itself. What's being forgotten here, is your feelings. Your Mom and Dad are still your parents and keeping the best interests of the children in the forefront should take top priority over their own needs. I think you do love your Dad, it just that you need time to deal with the flurry of confusing, hurt feelings right now.
What your parents should be doing now for you and your sister is: Maintaining open lines of communication with both of you; reassuring you both of their love and keep a continued involvement in your lives. Your Mother needs to avoid using you girls as confidants; If she's having problems with her pain, she needs to seek support from a family friend, support groups or a trained professional. Your Father needs the opportunity to attend special occasions in your life, such as sporting events and graduation ceremonies. You need your Dad in your life..do not block him out or your own pain will make your life misery and why would you want to live that way, hun? Start taking care of your own health by eating properly and getting plenty of rest. If your feelings get to be too much please seek some help through a school counselor, your parents or some other family member or adult you trust. You may need some professional help to teach you how to cope with this stress. Do not suffer through this alone, hun. My heart goes out to you. Take care hun and good luck
A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (10 April 2006):
 i think it's terrible how you say your a daddy's girl but blame him for the break down of your parent's marriage. you said yourself that your parent's werent happy together. it's sound as if your father wanted to make the relationship to work, that he loved you mother but that love wasn't returnned. so its sound the relationship came to a natural end. if your father couldn't find happiness in the relationship with your mother he has the right to find it else where. you aren't lil girl anymore you've grown into young woman and soon you'll be leaving home then what reason would stay. you shouldn't hate your father for wanting to find happiness for him self.
i'm sorry that you mothers a wreck but i don't understand what you hope to achieve by not eating.
i'm myself faced depression and was unable to eat for a long time but i did try because i new i'll get sick otherwise but it made me feel sick to eat. but i did try to starve myself.
i dont actually know what you question is. so i dont know how to help.
please eat starving yourself isn't the answer is just adding another problem.
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