A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 18 years old with absolutely no social life! guess who i blame???? My Parents!!!! Yes i knw if you look at it why blame your parents???..they love u..look out for you..protect you..blah blah but there is a limit! Well let me tell you why.....to start off, since i started high school,every year i have had different friends..its actually uncanny! every year i at least brought a friend or two home like ususal teenagers do.and my parents didnt really mind and for the record they like to think of themselves as liberal parents!so i have a normal friend circle..then like normal you ask them can i go to the movies with my friends? well a typical answer?? we will think about it..wen u ask again they say no..u ask y?? oh u cant go out we dnt want people to see u( in this case relative and family friends) as they will tawk about y u r roaming around the malls! you accept it the first tym.....well after a while you cannot hang out with your friends cuz u aint allowed...u lose track of whats goin on with your friends...u cant catch up with them in school on what happened on the weekend! so slowly i drifted off from them ...same story in grade8 and 9...things changed in grade 10 I was allowed now to go to the movies atleast….but I had to tell my parents how many friends and their names and why I wanted to go and where and for how long…they would drop and pick me…at that tym I agreed thinking maybe now parents think I am a little old enough to go out. So I was only allowed about 3 tyms in that whole year. To say the least I did do well in my studies always have. Done house chores obviously not happily though. Now at this point in my life I still had friends come over and everytime they would leave my parents would judge them very harshly saying they did not get good vibes from the,not to trust them,they r not good people..and this was just the first time they met them! And till now this has not stopped! At present its gotten worse my parents think that now im 18 they have got the stereo type that I will drink do drugs have sex and ruin my life forever! I havr given them no reason not to trust me. I am not allowed to club,go out at nyt and during the day I have to again tell them everything where im goin and y and for how long even if it a movie. I am allowed to txt faceboook call freely though. My parents told me to balance my life academically and socially but they are not allowing me to. I did well in my a level exams aswell. The issues with boys is not good either, im not allowed a boyfriend to sme extent I understand but cmon! My dad has something against gay people and wen I hang out with guys im not allowed and most of my friends are guys as the girls are jus very bitchy towards me. Nonetheless im nt allowed with boys only girls wat shud I just join a nunnery??no offence intended! When I ask them you don’t trust me?? They say we trust you but not ur friends and they have only maybe met them once! when they wer young they weren’t allowed blah blah that story is always said by parents!!!! The ironic thing is my younger sister who is 15 years is allowed to go to her friend’s house go for movies blah without being interrogated like a criminal ohh and they dnt keep calling every few minutes and ask what tym shes comin home. If im even a minute late I get like a million missed calls and den get blasted! Seriously I do not get it?? My father has a social life so does my mom y m I not allowed?? Im a 18! They use my age against me! youre 18 ur too young to knw anything u will get influenced and get into drugs so if I dont go out and use my so called social life tym I play playstation watch tv den dey say I need to grow up im immature,!!! I knw Im mature for my age as I dnt get pressured by any peers. I still do not get it! I feel like im becoming neurotic!! Maybe insecure..i do not trust people easily cuz every time I make friends my parents judge me and tell me to be careful and not tawk to them properly…recently my mum tried to go through my phone emails facebook…..she eavesdrops on all my conversations! My sister has the same privalages textin callin emails she has many friends a social life and they dont interfere. At 15 I never had those privaleges, and dnt tell me because im the oldest so I have to set an advantage!!that is jus nonsense! But on the positive side my parents did let me go to prom ….but they let me go to places where it is supervised by school which is fine but not all the time. And for the record the little friends that I have do not drink smoke or do drugs and my parents are aware of it. I still do not get it!!! Im going to university soon and I told them I will not be in the country den what will u do??? Dey say that even tho I will be on my own I am immature. What do I do???? Its getting frustrating I dnt think I can be patient anymore I have been tryin to have atleast a decent social life fr0m the year 2005 when I joined high school till nw end of 2010 almost finising form 6 going to university! Please Help!!!!!!!!! I will be very grateful! 1
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Crazylover  +, writes (2 January 2011):
It may be because if their past. Maybe they made mistakes and they don't want you making the same.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2010):
Hi there. Your parents need to learn to trust you, the same way they do with your sister.
You have to tell them this.
In fact, if they don't learn to trust you, they might well lose you - sooner rather than later.
What they are doing is pushing you away. The more they try to restrict you, the more you are going to retreat - away from them, and go the other way.
If they keep this up, it's likely to push you towards the very things they are scared of most - drugs, alcohol etc. Apparently they aren't thinking about this.
As you are already doing well in school and always have, they have nothing to worry about really.
If they do keep doing this, your grades will start to suffer, because you are not getting the balance of a reasonable social life.
School studies is work, and all work tasks do need to be balanced with leisure activities. Leisure activities are what gives you rest and re-energises you. With a healthy balance between work and life, it will in turn actually further improve your school study results. Because you won't be distracted by what you're missing out on.
It seems strange that your parents give your younger sister more privileges than you. Is there a reason for this?
You do need to clarify this with your parents, just to see why this is happening. Both siblings should be treated equally. No favourites.
Is there anything you are not telling us?
For instance, is both of your parents your biological parents?
Or, has one of them been married before with children from a previous marriage?
If so, this could change things somewhat.
In any case, this does need to be sat down and talked about with both your parents, as soon as possible.
It seems as if it is becoming intolerable for you. All the more reason to discuss it fully.
Good luck and best wishes.
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