A
male
age
30-35,
*ack_McVeigh
writes:I know that this isn't really a relationship problem, but my parents have just split up and my mum has moved out. I am having to watch my dad and sister fall apart. I honestly do not know what to do. All suggestions welcome. thankyou. j.p.mcveigh
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): It is natural for you to want to help or try and solve this problem but what you are witnessing is human response and totally normal so it will help to try and 'go with it' strange as it seems. People bottling things up will not help at this time. Best thing you can focus on is the practical side of things and help out in any way you can to keep things going in the house and it will make you feel useful. Emotionally do not forget you are dealing with this yourself and therefore you cannot afford to put your own feelings to one side and concentrate on other peoples. It is important for you all to talk about how you feel but to ensure it is equal and loving and that you can speak freely. If you can speak to other people your own age too who have gone through similar things that might help you. There are other sites like this one for you to communicate to and I would recommend you find any outlet you can for your feelings. Things will improve at home as emotions settle but of course this time and how it has impacted on you will stay with you. It might help to keep a journal if you have some privacy. Please also ensure you keep up your own hobbies, time with friends and sport - this is essential at this time so you are not constantly within the confines of the home. Each week plan what you personally want to do with your time and if you can achieve even 50% of that under these circumstances you will feel better about things. There are also lots of good books which would help you or your family at this time or articles on the internet for free. I hope this helps and hang on in there things will get better.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Hi my Sweetness,
I am so very sorry that your parents have split up. This is so very hard on you, and I am sorry that your Dad and sister aren't doing well. Although your Dad is the grown up and the person who is in the middle of a break up, you can show your support by just being there for him and your sister. You should reassure your sister that even though your Mom has left your Dad, she still loves the both of you, and always will. You are her children. Try to stay in touch with her, but don't make her responsible for your Dad getting back on his feet, unfortunately, he has to do that for himself. I'm sure that the reason that they broke up is between the two of them even though you wish to help. Neither you or your sister are responsible for the split, remember that, even if unfortunately, they do happen. Try to be supportive without getting between the two of them. Let your Dad know that you can be helpful around the house. If your sister needs after school supervision or a walk home, tell Dad you can help out. Try getting both of them out of the house into some activity on the weekend, just to change their minds, fresh air and hiking trails or movies and museums. If you are really worried about how your Dad is doing, or if he seems to be depressed and struggling, talk with another responsible adult in the family about getting him help (not your Mom), perhaps his sister, brother or parents. You are a very empathetic and caring young man to put worries about your Dad and sister ahead of your own, but I'm sure this is hard on you too. If you have a friend who is close and they are willing to let you bend their ears when you need to, take them up on the offer. If you find that it's all too much, and your grades start to suffer, take advantage of whatever advice the school counselor can offer you as well. They are there for a reason. I hope that things start to get better soon for all of you. Keep your chin up and take good care of yourself.
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