A
female
age
26-29,
*ighheeledfeminist
writes:My relationship with my parents has never been very good. As far back as I can remember they have been little more than condescending and controlling. I am valedictorian and they tell me I'm not smart enough for the classes I'm in and when I am up late doing homework they are always threatening to call the next day and switch me into the easy (read: dumb) classes, because clearly if I'm up late the work must be too hard. They refuse to take me places (and yet won't let me drive) because they "have things to do" and I try to stay calm and reasonable and talk to them about the fact that I KNOW they have stuff to do, but I wish they would understand that I also have important things in my life. Their response? Always something along the lines of you-idiot-why-would-you-ever-think-anything-you-have-to-do-is-important. I DO understand that their work and commitments are important but they tell ME that my schoolwork, music, and other commitments don't matter at all. I have been trying for years and years but every time I try to have a rational conversation it turns into a huge fight because they just blow up at me, totally shocked at the thought of me wanting their respect. My dad has literally said "I am your DAD, I don't have to respect you. You respect me and shut up." I don' know what to do anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 October 2012):
 do you have any aunts or uncles or grandparents you can stay with?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): I would love to help you more, but the only useful advice I can give you is to keep up the hard classes no matter what! Especially if you are able to get good grades out of them. It doesn't matter if you have to stay up late and work, even if you get yelled at for doing it, you know for sure that you're doing a good thing. Studying extra is never a mistake! Ever!At least with this you have many more doors open for your future, and hopefully you will make a better parent than your own. Good Luck my friend.
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A
female
reader, momof21980 +, writes (10 October 2012):
I understand how it is to have parents that basically don't give a crap. I grew up and a very verbal and physically abusive home. It sucks right now since your young, and have to rely on your parents to survive. Trust me your time will come when you can dust your shoulders off and be happy on your own. Obviouisly you are smart since your a validectorian. I think that your parents are probaby somewhat intimidated by your success in school, and you probably did better than they ever did. Unfortunately if they were rasied the same way with negative comments then they are just passing down that crap. IT's a cycle and doesn't stop with generations until someone actually takes it upon themselves to do so. Don't waste your breath arguing, and don't soak in their negative comments it's all lies. I'm a bliever in God, and if your not that's fine, but I just want to say God blessed you with brains and skill. He wouldn't be letting you succeed if you were not meant to. Just keep your head up stay focused on school. Unfortunately you have to be the bigger person even your own parents. I still go through the same thing with my parents and I'm 32yr old and don't even live with them. Trust me one day they will regret all the harsh things and bad memories they gave you. Until then stay positive, get close or closer to God and just take care of your self. Also although your dad says he doesn't have to respect you, which isn't true people are people and even our kids need respect, but should know who's in charge, but on a mature nice level. Anyways take care hope I helped. God Bless.
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