A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was goin out with this guy (he was 25 and i was 15) we kept our relationship from everyone we knew we would've neva been accepted. But one day i realized that it wasnt working, bekoz of our age we couldnt see each otha and neither of us was happy, so i wrote him a very deep letta containing eveything we had done during our relationship, but also saying that we should wait till i was older bekoz niether of us was happy. But my parents found this letta, and everything went wrong after that, they stopped me from working where i saw him most and told me i was neva to have any sort of contact with him at all. They said if i did that they would take him to court and put him in jail! so i agreed with them, but now im not taking the seperation well at all, im not eating properly like everytime i eat i just bring it all back up and at school i dont like to eat because i hate being sick in the school toilets. I just want to kno how to get ova this without being acting like this. As he was my first bf and im having trouble not being able to talk or contact him, but i dont want my parents to take him to court either!! i need some reasurrance please. i just finding it really hard right now.thank u
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): You're welcome. ^_^
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionomg!!! thank you soo much!!! you have been the best help ever!!!!! i understand it now, its just not fair and i have to live with that right? but the thing is that he is gone for now and i have to live with that was well, which is hard but i have to do it right? well thank you all soo much for everyones help. i really appreciate lol thanks guyz!!! and thank u MARTINI!!!! u r kool! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): You see, there is a problem with the law. It protects the general idea of an individual as a group - eg: the entirety without customization of the individual. The laws in place are supposed to protect you, as a citizen under the country's ideals of democracy, but as you know, democratic societies win by what is called "the majority" - 51/49. So what happens to the other 49% that don't support the concept? Too bad.
So in the idea of love at youth with those of an older age, there is no such thing as an individual case and always there will be the law that caters to every single case. So regardless whether you are 12, 16, or 17, you will be considered a child, where as when you reach 18 and over, you will automatically considered as an adult.
In other words, how fudged up is that eh? ^_-
With that out of the way, yes, it does suck that overall law dictates what is 'wrong' and what is acceptable. On top of that, you will always find someone who will call you "the victim" and someone to call your lover "the predator" or "manipulator", even if it was under your consent.
It's just how it works. There are many arguments as to why the youth should stay as youths, and adults as adults, but none of those arguments really think on the side of the lovers themselves. That is how common society works. That is why the law is the way it is. The other 49% are considered 'minorities'.
Anyway, to answer your question: even if you let him, he may stay end up being shunned upon by others. Even if you say to the world and pour your heart out, some people will still believe he manipulated and took advantage you. Some people will still believe you were lead to believe wrongly. Some people will still believe you are too young to understand, regardless of what you say, how you express it, and how much you cry about it.
In short, it's simply the way it works. He is a pedophile, because the 'majority' 51% says he is. That's all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut what if i let him? surely it cant be illegal if i have let him do this? and why is it soo hard for two people to love each otha?! aarrgghh
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): Well, hugging and kissing can be interpreted as molestation. You know how some people are - they take something and explode it. I guess this really, yeah it's tricky.
Hugging is fine, just watch the ass grabbing, and kissing is fine, but watch the tongue dancing... It's hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat about just hugging and kissing?? would that make it illegal??
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): If you two did not engage in sexual activity, then most likely this is not illegal. It's just frowned upon because some people automatically brand your boyfriend as a pedophile. Then again, a lot of people brand anyone 18 and over dating anyone 17 and under, a pedophile... [coughs]
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut if we didnt have sex is it still illegal???
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): There's no way to forget about him immediately, it will hurt for a while. Do other things you did before he entered your life to help you forget about him. Pick up old hobbies and go out with friends. If you have anyone close you can talk to them if it'll make you feel better. Keeping yourself busy is the best way to cope with this. Good luck.
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