A
female
age
41-50,
*ubsie
writes:My partner and I are wanting to get married and he wants to propose to me very soon but my parents are not too happy. They believe that he does not have the earning power/finances to properly support me. They are not objecting to anything other than the financial side of things. My father witnessed his sister make a lot of mistakes financially when she married a low earner and had four children. My partner and I are very careful when it comes to money and don't have any plans to have children until we are financially able to do so realistically. They don't want us to get married until we have bought a house/put a deposit down. Is it correct to let them have this power as my partner and I are 30 years old and in control of our own decisions. I feel like I'm trying to please everyone. My partner and my future is the first priority in my life but not having my parents approving of our wedding is very big for me as we are very close. How would you deal with this situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): I would deal with it this way... Parents if you are so concerned then you buy us a house or butt out. Mistakes are not of the financial nature that you need to be concerned with. Be safe be secure that's cool, but what happens if mother nature uproots your house? you have no control over that. Learn to let go, be sensible but stop been boring and climb out of the box. Anybody that wants to marry in favour of finances, may as well turn up at the alter with a wad of PAPER notes...instead of the person. what they own or earn is of no importance, when you make your promise to each other.Are you going to say I DO! SO LONG AS YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?AND IT BETTER LAST FOR THE WHOLE OF OUR TIME TOGETHER? I WANT A BIG HOUSE TOO? I NEVER WANT TO BE LATE PAYING BT? I WANT MY PARENTS TO MARRY YOU TOO?Deal with your own views on what marriage is!MAN MAKES THE MONEY...MONEY DOES NOT MAKE THE MAN! heard this years ago, have you?If your parents don't like it TOUGH ! money is not a good enough reason to marry instead of love.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 November 2008):
 It's not right for parents to mess with the decisions of two thirty year olds. Not only in the sense of the person being old enough, but also in the sense that the time comes when you need to take your own chances.
When parents make this sort of decisions, I always wonder whose interests they really have at heart. The day comes when your parents don't approve of something and you have to do it anyways.
When you say that your partner doesn't make enough money, I dont' find that surprising. Not many people do when they first marry. The question is whether he will be stuck in not making enough, or whether he will get wiser and smarter and will be able to suppport a family.
Most parents complain about the lazy, belly-scratching, Nintendo and NBA-lover their daughters marry, and most of those guys manage to wear a tie to a job they finally stay at some day. Chances are this is a fair portrait of your own father.
I say, be wise, but don't look for your parent's approval for everything.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Oh my gosh! Go marry this guy! Life isn't always about finances. I've seen people make a lot of money and not have a dime. I've seen people with $30K a year survive just fine, and as time went on, prosper! You are right, you are 30 years old, tell your parents you appreciate their concerns, but you've decided to get married anyway.
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