A
female
age
30-35,
*AYL0Rshawtyy.
writes:I'm always crying at home and it's because my parents always say something to make me feel like I'm not good enough. I love talking to my friends on the computer, I must admit, I stay on the computer all day and my parents complain that I stay in my room too much and I never come out to talk to anyone. But the reason is because every time I step out of my bedroom door and say something.. it leads to something else and I end up crying. Like today.. [it's Sunday and THEY couldn't go to church. ] my mom says ' what did he preach about today?'. and I really didn't know because my preacher preaches for like 20 minutes, and my little sister was bothering me the WHOLE time so i say 'I don't know. She was bothering me the whole time.' Then my dad says 'you never listen to him, you just go just to go. I swear you never listen'. that's when I'm almost to tears because I could swear they hate me. They start an argument with everything I say so they keep talking [forgot what they said to me] but I eventually start crying and then my mom says 'and just cause you're standing there crying doesn't mean anyone is gonna feel sorry for you.' they DON'T understand. They DON'T know how it feels when every time you talk to someone you really love, you end up crying and getting hurt from something they said and just not feeling good enough. Can someone please help me with this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Honey that ain't all bad I can see where your coming from and all but well. I play softball and do school and a bunch of other junk as well softball is EVERY night and school homework piles up. I've been a daddy's girl since I was little thinking "Hey maybe I should do softball daddy would love me and I would get whatever I want." But instead I got "I'm sorry Mrs.Mitchell I was up playing softball and didn't have time to do my homework." And its not just once a month or even once a week. ITS EVERY DAY!!! I was always the straight A student in my class and now im the C and D student. My dad says to me how he wants to slap the hell out of me and my brothers beat me because I'm weak. I come to school with bruises and cuts and last week a black eye and its not like in the movies where the teacher asks "Honey is something wrong?" and there is only one guidence officer and he's a guy so I don't want to talk to him about it. I missed softball after I got that D on my report card. I missed two practices in a row and momma came home and started screaming at me saying how I need to be working at least 'till 9 at night and my dad says I'm not comitted enough. My mother says she never thought I could make starter at first and my father said he knew I did'nt have the heart for it. Right now I have 4 hours of homework to do and I have to help with chores and practice outside with my "dad". He scares me when hes angry and never says he is proud of me unless it relates to softball. Parents say they understand when the yreally don't they may have been a kid once before but times have changed!!! Its not the same anymore. My "dad" texted my MALE coach that I couldn't come to practice because it was that time of the month and that I was having problems. He thinks he undertands periods and shit whent he doesn't!!! I swear sometimes I wish life was like a fairytale but then I think "Oh wait if life were a fairytale then there would be no life at all".Maxx Fitzpatrick, 16
A
female
reader, Cyanide Insanity +, writes (18 April 2010):
 child, i'll try to put it nice. this is my mom's reaction to me not getting an a+ in math: "you fucking bitch! you think you're gonna get anywhere being a fucking retard? i can't believe you're so fucking stupid. you think we can buy you into college? get your fucking shit together, or get out! i'm tired of you fucking around on the computar! you're a slut. sell yourself on the street! at least then, your dad and i wouldn't have to waist all this fucking money on your cello! you're just going to end up a fucking crack whore by the time you're in high school! get the fuck out of here, and take your shit with you! *throws my stuff* bitch!" this is everyday language. it gets worse. i'm sugar coating it, pretty much. :') do you know what i do? i cry. i then fix my makeup. i walk on the streets until midnight. i get in bed and touch myself. she's done this since before i was born. so, i don't mean to offend or belittle you when i say this; what's happening to you isn't that bad.
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female
reader, iGirly +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Maybe you should try discussing to them how their actions make you feel.
To them it might seem like classic discipline, maybe they don't even know how terrible it makes you feel.
Everything falls on communication, you should try it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): Think of yourself as lucky. My parents are total a-holes. They get angry over the stupidest reasons, and especially now that I'm older and have become more argumentative, they resort to childish manners that frankly make no sense. For example, my dad just got so pissed that I couldn't give him "proper" directions to a friend's house and said "You're so stupid, you don't even know street names in her neighbourhood!" Well, obviously he didn't either if he couldn't find the bloody house. So, despite my best efforts to bite my tongue, I tell him that I would have much rather taken the bus home if the ride was going to be this stressful and unpleasant. That put him over the edge. He proceeded to tell me to "get out of the car and walk home", so, naturally, I did. I got out and started walking home (even though I was in shorts and a tshirt in 5 degree weather). He picked me up like five minutes later on a main road and yelled and bitched at me for leaving, even though HE was the one that yelled to get out of the car. He then took away my phone and called me downstairs to "talk"...and by talk, I mean he yelled at me and if I said anything he'd yell more. I tried to be reasonable in the discussion, but he is so childish and unreasonable. I swear, he knows that I'm so close to leaving that he wants to control my life as much as possible. He's such a bitch. If I had money, I'd move out, but I know there's no way that I can on my salary. I'm just trapped in such a shit hole situation. I'm running away tonight. So, sorry for this long and whiny rant, I just needed to vent before I leave. Good luck with your parents, everyone...just know that there are other people in your same situation (or worse). Hang in there. You'll be free before you know it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): i can honestly say that i understand what you're going through. each day, we kids go to school and go through all these problems. then when we get back to school, all our parents have to say are negative things that make our day even worse. i know that it's a terrible feeling - to feel like your parents just hate you when in reality they just don't understand what you're going through. believe me, i deal with that all the time too.
my best advice is to just let them cool off and talk to them. that's something that i should have done a long time ago, but i've learned my lesson. communication is always the key factor in a relationship, and its best if you explain how you feel with your parents. if they really love you, like all parents should, they will listen carefully to what you have to say because they love you. after all, parents only punish you because they care. (:
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): that my advice for you be fair with them.they will also love you. come out of your bed so have a chat with with them and cup of tea. they are you parents you should have respect them. don't start crying you should argue the mater with them what they are saying to you. thank you i am student at college
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): i know how you feel no matter what i do my dad is never happy. he rather have me persuit a high paying career rather than a cheap paying one that is easy.But always remember there your parent if they dont love you why are they so worry about you they just want you to grow up well try telling them how you feel and ask are they worry about you is that why they yell at you. REMEBER your parent never want to hurt you but teach you even if means making cry.
Hope my advise help and yes im 14.
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female
reader, TAYL0Rshawtyy. +, writes (31 March 2008):
TAYL0Rshawtyy. is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for you answers. Nost of all the replies helped me in some way. Ohh and to WAZ, they haven't been to church in a while because my dad is sick often and he's had 2 open-heart surgeries and my mom is one of those I'm-beside-my-husband-no-matter-what kind of wives so that's why they haven't been since February.thanks everyone !
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female
reader, thebethany  +, writes (31 March 2008):
your parents love you, they do, they're your parents.
best thing you can do is tell them your upset and want to talk about it.
a breakdown of communication is only fixed by communication.
Also, everyone thinks their parents are aliens and dont uderstand them when they are around your age.
maybe let them know that you feel unloved or mis-understood.
talk about YOUR feelings not THEIR actions, and this will stop defensiveness.
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female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 I think a lot of what you are feeling is hormones. All your emotions are completely heightened at this point in your life. I remember being your age and i wouldnt wanna go back there for all the money in the world!
But i think your parents need to be a bit more understanding towards your feelings. Sit them down and talk to them when everyone is calm and there are no arguements. Explain why you stay in your room and that you dont like coming out because you dont like arguing with them but you feel like they're not trying to understand where you are coming from.
I really think teenagers have specific needs, especially teenage girls because its an emotional and hormonal time and your mum probably experience similar things.
But remember it takes two people to have an arguement. Keep calm and dont rise to it.
Good luck
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): The communications have broke down and your home has become unhappyfor you. I am sorry, hun. The best thing both you and your parents can do, to improve your relationship...is for all of you to learn to communicate better. Try to realize, even through they seem hopelessly old fashioned or not enlightened to your feelings...they do love you and you can just choose to accept them just as they are and loving them unconditionally despite their flaws, their attitudes and their reactionary behaviors. This is a situation where you might have to act with more wisdom than your parents, dear.
Parents can say some unthinking things in an attempt to change your behavior. It sounds like Mom and Dad sometimes say these things impulsively to you. You must try to understand that your parents could be saying these things to you, because they do not realize what they are doing to you. So you need to calm down and be open with them, without anger and defensiveness. They too are feeling frustrated, fearful and upset with you and it comes out in this unthinking way. They are at a loss as to know how to deal with their feelings about your independant feelings, your committment to friends and your 'process' of breaking away from them to begin establishing your own individualism as a young adult.
But can you try to understand, your parents are individuals with flaws. and they do make mistakes--I know --I made a ton of them with my 3 teenagers. But the big thing parents want to, just like you, is to be listened to in an open, respectful way. Some teens think that their parents have nothing 'great' to say..so they shut out Mom and Dad. ANd this hurts Mom and Dad as they have feelings too that get hurt. But so many teens forget that and they get far too busy devising defensive behaviors, that they distract themselves from their role and responsiblity for making life in the home better for others too. You will find more harmony with Mom and Dad if one just drops their defenses, frustration and anger. Usually it's that defensive posture that gets a teen into trouble. A family is the compilation of many individuals that all have to get along. You are not a child but a young adult, who knows how to communicate effectively and knows her parents love her. It's time for you to be a bit wiser and ask them to 'talk'to you in a decent way but be prepared to do the same with them.
Being open with Mom and Dad doesn't mean you have to agree with everything-it just means that if you are to be open and thoughtful with them..and they need to do the same with you. Ask for that.nicely. Sit down with them calmly and ask them what they need you to do, in this family-to gain their respect and support. Tell them you want to communicate calmly and respectively with them, from now on. Ask them, how can this be accomplished. You could say something like this,
"Mom and Dad, I know you love me and I know you want me to have a happy and successful life. I want very much for you to be proud of me. Your love and respect mean a great deal to me. I have some concerns I'd like to share with you both. Will you please listen to what I have to say before you respond".
Then you tell them what is making you unhappy. And when you are done, please sit back and listen to what they say. Keep you defensiveness at bay, stay calm, don't interrupt them, don't get angry and frustrated. You always can avoid confrontations if you and your parents just change the way the you say things to each other. Your parents will respect your honesty. And this may be the way to establish a happier way of life for you and them. It's worth a try, isn't it.
I wish you luck hun, stay positive and just try your best.
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male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (31 March 2008):
 There may be several things going on here. You may be feeling smothered by your parents rules.
Then again they may not be taking the time to actulally take the time to listen to you.
Why don't you check out the link to an article I looked up for you and see if it applies to you.
I hope it helps. Doc
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A
male
reader, minnilogan +, writes (31 March 2008):
Yes I can help, okay first off there is a lot wrong here, you need to get along with your parents because no matter what, they can help you and there is a bigger part of this picture that you are not telling us so I can't help you unless you tell me a little more.
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A
female
reader, Abriellek +, writes (31 March 2008):
I had almost the same problem with my parents when I was a teenager, and it started when I was thirteen and didn't end till now (I'm almost twenty.) Now I love my Mom so much and love hanging out with her, and I used to literally HATE her. (Or at least feel like I did.) They would start by like: "What did you do in school today?" Then I'd say nothing. Then they'd say oh you can't even tell us you have to be so private. Did you get a test back? Did you get a bad grade? Don't you dare go sit on Instant Messenger all night!
Then if we had a fight, I could never just run to my room, they would just follow me and follow me and keep yelling at me and I hated them for it.
The problem is, even if you don't see it, especially from like 13-16 you change A LOT! Your parents are in semi-shock from missing their sweet little girl and don't understand why you don't want to spend every waking moment with them. Although they may say they remember being a teenager, they don't remember what it FELT like (at least, I don't think so.)
My best advice is to try to understand where they are coming from and respect their stress and confusion. Tell them you love them a lot and try to express your feelings to them when you are in a good mood.
I hope it gets better!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Oh my goodness hunny ....for starters I am sooo sorry .:(
It's not fair that they treat you that way . I understand where you are coming from tho. I'm 15 years old . My grades are WAY less then prefect . I like going on the computer and talking to friends and going on this site they always say I never come out of my room but it's not like there is anything else to do.... Tell them that the only reason you don't go around them is because they make you feel bad and you wish they would stop! if they don't I am very sorry ... I don't really know what to tell you .
I'm very sorry
I hope everything works out for you
*~VG~*
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