A
female
age
26-29,
*ot.advice?
writes:i am 15 (and appear 17.. to some).and i have always been told that i am very mature for my age as far as the way i behave, talk and the way relate with adults.i am already in the eleventh grade and ready to graduate next year (two years ahead of my proper graduating class). i am always very focused on my grades in school and i dont get distracted by guys.so i thought i was ready for a serious relationship. i mean, i ve been in plenty of relationships before. thing is this time my boyfriend is 20 years old and my parents obviously dont approve of us. he is religious and level headed. but they dont want this to happen. he lives 1hour+ away and can only get here by a train nd a couple of buses. theyve met him once before. but i just recently got caught after he left the house when nobody was home. my mother almost called the police on him. so now my phone is taken away and i have no way to contact him. weve been friends for a year and have been together for 7months. we love each other greatly and now that hes gone and im in trouble i dont know what to do. what do i do?? HELP!!! (i need opinions too) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 It doesn't matter how mature your mind is, your body is far from it. I am not saying that your boyfriend will just want sex but he is 20 and despite what he says he is going to have a sexual appetite and you are way too young to be thinking of having sex. You are still a child, he is 5 years older than you and it doesnt matter that sometimes you seem 17, your not! use a friends phon to get back in touch with him and ask him if he will wait for you for a few years, stay friends until your legally old enought to have sex and then try again with him. But for now you need to concentrate on your studies and graduating.Be careful :) x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): Yes I am 20 years old and like someone else said, lots of people his age will frown on it. A guy after a girl that young is obviously scared of girls his own age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): It doesn't take any maturity to want to sample the fruits of being a few years older than you are. Showing maturity means not getting into this relationship because it's not in your long term best interests.
So how mature do you really want to be?
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A
female
reader, Blondiebrooke69 +, writes (22 May 2010):
Age is just a number or so they say but ur parents may be concerned because they want to protect u as long as they can ...stick to ur school work and ask ur parents if u get good grades and stay on track with graduating if u could talk to him and let him know what is happening and if ur mature u will be patient...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 I am sorry for what you are going through.It is not the end of the world yet. You only had a temporary setback and you will soon get over it.
This experience will teach you about patience, love and life.You will become stronger when it is over.
If he is yours, your destiny will meet again .Meanwhile , you will need to rearrange your priorities in life .
You need to do well in your education to prepare yourself for a brighter future. Refocus your attentions to your school life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): First of all, what I am about to say is not to lecture you. Just food for thought.
At your age, many girls get guessed older and are told to be mature beyond their years. Probably most users here can testify having been told this at your age. You're obviously a hardworking student, so that's great. But 'school smart' isn't the same as life experience.
5 years may seem as little, but at your age it's a lot. I don't care how intelligent you are, but you can't beat 5 years of extra life experience. So don't consider yourself to be a mentally 17 year old, because you're not.
You have to ask yourself what a 20 year old wants from a 15 year old when there are plenty of gals his age walking around. Maybe he genuinely loves you. It happens. But you have to consider the alternative.
The reason I'm telling you this is because my then 16 year old friend got involved with a 22-year old...and ended up getting raped. Smart bastard didn't leave any evidence because he used a condom, but he damaged her for life. She thought what was between them was real. I was 15 at the time, and she'd introduced him to me. He seemed so nice and charming, it was hard to think him capable of such a thing.
I'm 22 now and in hindsight I know the signs were there. I was too naive back then, though people told me I seemed 'mature'.
I'm not saying your bf is a rapist. I'm just saying a common reason guys that age pick girls much younger than them is because young girls are more easily manipulated. The moment you say you won't be, you're lost. You're your own biggest enemy in that department. Once you allow yourself to consider the possibility, you're one step closer to recognizing when it's happening to you.
Also, being at a college where most of the guys in my class are around your bf's age, I can tell you they frown upon dating girls a lot younger than they are. You'll probably think that's irrelevant, but you might think again if it turns out your bf lies to his friends about your age.
Anyway, the best of luck. Ofcourse I hope he's genuine but I also hope you're wise enough to recognize when he isn't.
Don't fight too much with your parents because they will make it harder for you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Let me clear something off my chest first. "Im more mature than others my age" is unfortunately a highly overplayed line. And you looking 17 doesn't help your maturity level. I had a friend that at 14 looked 21. Did it stop her from making mistakes? Nopes. But back to your question.
How did you meet this older guy? Can you connect with him through some means, meet up at his job, talk to common friends, etc? Or ask your mother if you can use the phone to explain to him what is going on?
Just remember that dating an older guy doesn't mean the relationship is a mature one. If your boyfriend and you are in a mature relationship, you will find a way to deal with this that WONT include the police knocking on his door. And remember why the police would come knocking. Because in the eyes of the public, you are not two people in love, but an older man preying on a young and innocent girl.
I wonder, if you are so mature, your parents would be aware of your maturity, would they not? So if you are able to handle this relationship, why have they denied you any right to contact him again, and almost called the police on him?
What about waiting with this relationship, put it on a hold until you are old enough to date him without it being illegal/suspicios to be alone in the house? I understand that this sucks, but it's the rules we all play by.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 I think I would be a bit concerned about this if you were my daughter too. My advice is this. Can you write to him? If so keep up the contact that way and if you two are meant to be together he will still be there for you when you are old enough for your parents not to worry about the age gap.
It's a sad but true fact that the younger you are the bigger age gaps seem.
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