A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi.i am 29 yrs old female from India.my older sis in 33 yes old she got married when she was 27 to ths guy she liked.mu family loved their family and they r happy together so everything worked out good for her.i started dating a guy 4 yrs back tht my family didn't like and said even his family has a. Bad reputation they didn't want me to marry him.we had a lot of probs of the other hand so eventually we broke up after being together for 3 yrs or so.now the thing is I'm 29 yrs old and in our society girls get married sooner than this on average.i would be ok if I wasn't getting married rite now but the thing. S in our society marriage proposals through parents friends and aunts are. Very common,the thing is I also have a younger sister who is 24 and thts the age ppl prefer being arranged marriaged in when guys moms look for girls for arrnage marriage for their sons.firstly she's younger so obv moms who wants to marry their sons in arranged marriages get more attracted towards her and secondly she's also a lot more prettier than me.im pretty look also but I've been chubby my whole life and I'm an ok weight now,not skinny not fat.but my sis is tall with colored eyes and super slim looks like a French model.so I soo if it's her good looks or age tht go for her advantage but all the proposals that come they want to marry their sons to my younger sister not me.now it's quite heat breaking and painful considering its not a love marriage and whtever arranged proposal comes through aunts and family they are more interested in my younger sister.i don't wana sound jealous but it's heart aching at times,in the past yr 5 proposls came for her and not even 1 came for me.to the point tht now at home even my mom says laughing thttht I'll have to look for someone ur self now at ths age cuz all proposals r ci g for younger one.its quite embarrassing.imot ugly I'm pretty for sure but she's way prettier .im fair not thin nor fat have studied abroad dress nicely have friends and a good social life and an confident but now it's kinda killing me from inside my selfco fidence in becoming less,I front of ppl I pretend I, very confident but in the last yr I've been very hurt.at times I feel she'll get married before me to these arranged proposals she keeps gettin and then my chances would become even less as ppl will think tht there's an issue in the older sis that ppl r proposing for younger one.im not a jealous person she's my sister n I live her but I feel the society isn't being fair,mother who r looking for marriage proposls for sons wo r 30 in age r all wanting to propose for my younger sis who is 24"lots of good well know families have proposed for her but none of me,mom says tht in ths culture obv arranged marriage moms look for girls between 23 and 27 and Then obv when guys moms look at my age n then my younger sisters age and then my appearance n then hers cuz she is prettier they get more attracted to her even thu by nature I'm much more friendlier and ppl like me but for some reason I feelin marriage these moms r just looking at the age ad face alone.i don't low wht to do.i secretly cry as all my friends are married with kids and at times I feel so humiliated cuz even my family cousins know tht most proposa Come for my younger sister not me it's so hard accepting it esp in front of ppl it's embarrassing,at times I feel I'll everyone even a dog has his good days I feel will mine ever come....like my older sis got all the attention at the marriage age and got married it's like it never happened for me n now skipping me it's passing to my younger sister.wht should I do? :(and I can't talk to my sister about my feeling it's too me basting and hard to admit tht no one wants me to marry their sons so I never talk about it with her,we army close when it comes to relationships like tht so there's No way I can spk t her about it.we aren't so close but I would never want anything bad for her.i don't how to deal with ths.I'm sick of hearing this every 2 weeks that there's a proposal and it's for the younger one.the first time it happened I was debated now I'm kinda used to it but I'm so heartbroken and I've started to feel like I'll never get married.and in our culture ppl also talk so it's so humiliating if she eats married before me tht even an arranged marriage not a love marriage where she herself had chosen a boy.also in our culture usually older sis gets married first unless it's a love marriage .now it's become acceptable but I did t want to be the one where all proposals came for younger not me.i never thought i'd be in that position.sadly I am and funny thing is my younger sister is openly daing a guy for 5 yrs or so even then aunties are proposing for her, knowing she s committed and I've had a single status for a yr n none wants me.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (30 July 2012):
I think you should talk to your parents and tell them how you feel, have you gone to a marriage broker? Indian ladies look young for their age so it cant be that you look old. I know there is so much pressure on you to get married but you could ask your parents for advice and see what they have to say. good luck.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Why are you going on and on about this when you say that mostly all marriages are arranged? Do you want an arranged marriage? If so, why aren't your parents helping you with this? You may think you are sad and miserable now, but let me tell you something...being trapped in a bad marriage with a man you don't care about or even like is misery too. Stop obsessing so much. If you want to be married, then start looking for that guy and ask your female relatives and friends for help. Surely there is someone you know who knows a nice man you could date.
Your other choice is to go against the wishes of your parents and marry the man you like. I am not sure how easy it would be for you to do what or how difficult they could make things for you. But that is always a choice.
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