A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem regarding my parents and my boyfriend's background. Long story short, my boyfriend is adopted and his real parents are in a different country with the rest of his siblings. His foster mom is currently fighting a deathly cancer. Before his mom was diagnosed with cancer and wanted to meet me, I knew little to nothing to his family. It's not that I don't care about his family but I'm the type of person that will not ask about personal thing until the person willing to tell me. Therefore, I had always thought his family was with him. When he told me about the whole thing, I was shocked and I couldn't help but feeling sad for my boyfriend. =( I love him a lot regardless of his background. Anyway, before I get all emotional, I'm a bit torn. My parents have been starting to question me about my boyfriend. I told my mom that his mom is sick and is in the hospital. Then from mom to dad, they started to ask me about his family...I get all confused and tell them as much as I can without revealing much about my boyfriend is adopted. So, I told them that his mom and him got separated from his father and siblings. It took my boyfriend a year and his mom's sickness to tell me he is adopted. I can tell how sensitive the matter is to him but I really don't want to lie to my parents and make up such a horrible story. Do you think what I am doing is right? Or should I ask my boyfriend's permission? I'm not good with keeping a lie...it is hard. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your responses. I'll keep your advice in mind.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years now, my parents are still distanced from him. But lately I can see that they've eased up to him. So I don't want to pour this story to them yet. I'll find a right time to do it. =)
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and ask him how much you can tell your parents, and what he would be comfortable with sharing.
I don't think you should have to lie to your parents. If your boyfriend wants to keep secrets and lie, then that's on him, but he can't expect you to lie for him. If he doesn't want people to know (although I don't understand why it needs to be such a secret) then you can always tell your parents that you aren't allowed to talk about it as it is private, and your boyfriend doesn't want too many people to know. Sure, it'll leave them hanging, but hopefully they are respectful enough to leave it alone.
One of my exes was an orphan, I guess you could say. His mother was shot in the head by his step-dad, and they watched her lying dead in the living room with the step dad holding a rifle, threatening to blow his own brains out. His father was an alcoholic who lived in another country and who drank himself to death the following year. He lived with foster parents.
You think I managed to keep THAT a secret? No. First thing my friend did when she met him was ask him about his parents. He then said he lived with foster parents, and my friend immediately asked if his mother was the woman who had been shot (this was apparently all over the news when it happened, although I didn't know about it). I thought her question was extremely rude. It's sensitive things after all. But she did just straight out ask him, and he straight out answered her. Then that was out in the open, and everyone knew and we could go on with our lives.
I would tell your boyfriend to just be open and honest about things. But I'd want him to tell people himself. You should invite him over to your parents, and let him do the Q's and A's with your parents himself, rather than you be the messenger.
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A
female
reader, itcantjustbeme  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 Maybe you could explain this all to your parents. Ask for their discresion in the matter. Hopefully you have that open of a relationship with your parents.
I personally think adoption makes him more special. Someone chose him of millions to take into their home and love him uniquely. Maybe he doesn't know makes him special, and not (bad) different. He might not be so abashed about it.
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