A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I hope I don't get judged by what I'm about to say. I'm not sure how to feel about this but what I do currently feel is like a mixture of being a little angry and annoyed. I'll try to keep it short.So just before my boyfriend was due to fly off the States to continue his studies, he had asked me if I could send him off and I said of course I will. And part of the reason he had asked is because the flight was at 2am so it was quite late and he also asked that since I can send him off, it'll be good because I can also accompany his mum on the drive back into town which is about an hour. His dad passed away so its just his mum left and the maid. So I can understand why he asked me to accompany her. And I was glad to do it. SO the plan was for me to ride with them to and fro from the airport. However, my parents decided to jump in and say that they'll meet me at the airport to pick me up with the reason being that its dangerous that its just 3 women together. and they said if there was a man with us, they wouldnt mind. Just so we're clear, I told my parents that I was going to send my boyfriend off and accompany his mum back into town, I told them that my presence was needed. I was clear to my parents and yet they were insistent on going to the airport. They actually wanted to drive for an hour just to drive me back home. So while I was riding in the car with my boyfriend and his mum and maid, I was on the phone telling my parents not to worry and that I was actually needed and that his mum didn't mind dropping me home as it isn't far from where she lived. And after some back and forth conversation, my boyfriend's mum told him to tell me to just let my parents come, just to give in. I felt really bad cuz I promised to accompany her home. I did not foresee my parents doing something like this. They're over-protective (they've admitted this before) and I get it that they worry cuz its late but its not like I'm on my own. I was with his mother and maid and I told my parents so clearly that I'm doing this to send my boyfriend off and accompany her because I know she'll feel really sad that her 2nd son just left home. I was quite upset that my parents pulled this on me. It did appear a little disrespectful towards my boyfriend's mother as well because to her and my boyfriend, the way my parents spoke and pushed and insisted, it came across to my boyfriend and his mum like my parents can't even trust them to take care of me for a couple of hours. And he's upset that it might affect our future as well like if we had children and stuff. ( I know its young for us to think of that, but not completely out of the question, at least he expressed what he thought). and when I went to use the restroom, his mother actually asked my boyfriend to end things with me and he just nodded to his mum. But he said he would never do that. And he's willing to like fight and stay with me and face my parents the way they are. The occurrence of my parents isn't just a one time thing and theres other concerns too. But the main thing was this. TO be honest I have no idea how to feel about this. To me, it just sucks. thats all really. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2018):
 You have posted a lot about your parents. You need to accept that this is the way they are, and while you are under there roof they are going to be protective. His mother was not alone she was with her maid, so in fact it was lovely that your parents made the effort to collect you. They care about you and worry about your safety! You need to try and see it from there point of view.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2018): You're still trying to shake your parents loose. If his mother was there, what's wrong with your parents picking you up at 2am at the airport? His mother isn't a child, and she wasn't alone. The maid was there. What did she need the maid for?
In a previous post, you were worried your parents wouldn't let you see him to the airport.
He's going to be completing his education in the United States; so your parents don't have to worry. Seems his mother is getting involved; and I'd say your parents have equal-say in the matter. His opinion is just that. An opinion!
He's not your husband, and all that crap about the future is silly. He's going to be exposed to a lot while away; and he's going to have a social-life while abroad. You're going to be on pins and needles the whole time.
It was not disrespectful for your parents to suggest they come and pick you up from the airport. What his mother feels about your parent's decision is none of her business.
She even suggested he end the relationship? You think because of your parents? She may not like you, or how you disrespect your parents. Regardless, it's none of her business. If he breaks-up with you; then I guess HE listens to HIS mother. Apparently she felt she had the right to tell him to.
He may not want a long-distance relationship after a few months abroad. So prepare.
Keep fighting your parents. You may write as frequently as you like; but no one here has a right to suggest to you how to be disobedient or disrespectful to your parents. I guess you'll keep up your rebellion; meanwhile, they will continue being your parents! They have that right until you can financially support and take care of yourself. They are traditional parents, good parents; and your culture hasn't changed that much where females are concerned.
Here in the States, there is an Amber Alert pending for a Chinese girl 12, 8/3/2018; missing from Reagan National Airport. She was last seen on the security cameras leaving Reagan National Airport. She has not yet been found. She never arrived at her destination. They often publish these alerts internationally. Perhaps your parents saw this report.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2018): Hey. It sucks that your parents pulled that on you and your boyfriend’s family!
I guess as your bf’s mother said to give in, she understood. She’s a parent and is probably having similar worries and feeling protective about her son! At least you weren’t made to leave her completely on her own. She’ll be fine.
It sounds like you’ve talked about it before, but I’d say it would help to have a proper, neutral conversation with your parents about your independence and their overprotective attitude. Ask them why they act that way, and then tell them how it makes YOU feel. They think they are helping you and they have to be told that really they’re hindering you!
Maybe you should start small. As a family, plan something you can do without them that’s just outside their comfort zone. Maybe just making your own way somewhere that you usually go with them?
I think talking about this, staying mature and explaining exactly how their actions are really affecting you is an important starting point for all of you. Good luck
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