A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve known this guy for nearly two years, we originally met on a night out and we were instantly attracted to each other, however he soon got a girlfriend and we barely stayed in touch and only bumped into each other a few times, the problem is that whenever we did talk or see each other it was absolutely obvious we fancied each other like mad but I’d made it clear there was no way anything could happen as he was in a relationship.Anyway we got back in contact a few weeks ago after both of our relationships ended and have said about casually meeting up for a drink, my worry is that I think he may think it’s a hook up, how do I say that I just want to meet him, I feel like I need to actually know him properly but I’m not sure his heads in the same place. Don’t get me wrong I’m not wanting anything serious but equally I don’t want to be a conquest. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2018):
 Meeting up for a drink might be the wrong thing to do. If you don't want to be a hook up then I would suggest asking him does he want to meet for lunch or go to a movie during the day! Don't go on a night out where drink is involved as it does sound like this is only sexual attraction! You are right in wanting to know him more, so just be upfront and say you would like to get to know him a bit better over some lunch or other activity. Don't flirt with him or suggest anything else! To me it does sound like he is looking for a hook up. If he is not long out of a relationship then I would be very careful here that you don't get hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2018): I'd say that highly depends on who initiated the contact.
He barely stayed in-touch and got himself a girlfriend. That isn't much evidence there is anything more than a physical-attraction. The balance tips towards you as far as interest goes.
You are already crushing; that makes you vulnerable to his seduction. If you want to know how interested he is in you; don't offer him sex. Then again, that requires much self-control. There is the possibility that if he doesn't show you the attention you're looking for; you are going to use sex as a lure to manipulate the situation in your favor.
I think it all depends on your behavior; and whether he was ever emotionally drawn to you in the first-place.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 August 2018):
 So meet up IN PUBLIC over lunch and DO NOT go home with him and take him home to yours.
It's not that hard to have outings with someone without the clothes coming off if THAT is not what you want.
And IF he suggests going home to either of your places, tell him I'm not looking to hook up with you. If he doesn't like that... tough cookies for him. You don't OWE him squat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2018): It seems to me that you may have initiated the contact and you feel you may have given the impression that you are available for sex.
It almost seems that you have made up your mind to bed him and premeditated this.
This is not a crime. You have made it clear you felt that there was an instant attraction.
However you are regretting your enthusiasm for this 'casual ' date and you are backpeddling.
In your heart you realise that in all proberbility it will just be a rebound fling and maybe even a one night stand.
How do you prevent this?
You cancel your casual date and tell him you cant make it.
You dont trust yourself to hold on to your virtue if you link up.
So you alter it to a lunch time drink or bite to eat at a pizza bar etc and then you get home before your passion overwhelms you.
Or you hook up, have a wild time and deal with the fallout when he wont take your calls and cuts you off.
If you think thats going to be the outcome it most probably will be.
Then you chalk it up to experience.
If you want to be more than that, then alter the date where you are expecting he will expect you to put out.
And work out a more seemly route to a potential future.
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