| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: My parents confuse me because they talk about marriage in the future and say 'It's not worth getting married' or 'People don't bother getting married these days, i wouldn't bother' and things like that. Yet they hint about sex, and say that thats not worth it too, and that you should only do it when married. Of course the age is 16 by law and i have had sex with my girlfriend of almost 9 months and i hate it when they hint that you should be married and they say 'i kno you wouldn't do that would ya...' and it really annoys me as well because at the end of the day it is my decision? and my own privacy isn't it? And as long as i'm being safe (which i am using all types of protection possible) there is no harm in fun you only live once i say.please reply thanks... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, doublethink +, writes (31 July 2006):
 She never thought too much about sex before you and now she's mad for it? What a compliment!
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 I wouldn't personally say that it's a 'lie', because it's possible that she never thought too deeply about sex before she met you. One good reason for that would be because she was (still is, really) not much more than a kid. Most teenage girls don't fantasise much about sex, properly. Their dreams tend to be much more on the romantic side of things, so it's entirely possible that she wasn't ever 'horny' only because her fantasies were about kissing and romance, and not about sex.
So her discovery of sexual feeling happened to coincide with your having sex together, and having awakened her sleeping giant, maybe you've started to feel like she's obsessed with it.
I won't tell you that "lots of guys would love to be in your shoes" (though plenty would), because if she's mad for it 24/7 and you're not, that can be a problem. She might be thinking of you as her only sexual outlet, and that could be putting a lot of pressure on you.
If you regard it as a problem, you'll want to have a little talk about it, so that you don't begin to feel like a piece of meat, near a starving girlfriend... if you get my drift.
She may not realise, for example, that masturbation is normal and perfectly OK, even when you're in a sexual relationship. If she takes matters -- ahem -- into her own hands now and then, she might not be so crazy after you all the time, giving both of you a chance to develop other aspects of your relationship.
Just a few thoughts.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i guess so, however my girlfriend seems too be crazy about sex and obsessed. She said that before she met me she has never had any sexual feelings or felt horny ever. Would this be a lie?
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (30 July 2006):
I think it shows you're a patient, caring boyfriend, nothing more. You might have a more manageable sex drive than some fellows your age, but that's not a bad thing!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you replys!! I do agree totally. I mean i would never have sex if it wasen't 100% safe. We went away sometime after my gf was 16 for a few nights and she wasen't on the pill and she wanted too have sex with a condom. But i refused too as i was worried about pregnancy and her mum seemed too keep saying 'noo it will be fine, don't worry' on the phone. I fear her mum got too involved with everything etc and wanted us too do it. I was surprised when my gf asked her mum for the pill and she said 'ohh okay' then. lol! Why is her mum much more different she lets her other children do what they want when they want.
Another question would be that if my girlfriend and i cant have sex because she is on her period or we can't do it because we can't be alone, i never really get frustrated and I am not fussed that we can't have sex. Is this normal? What does it show?
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (30 July 2006):
Sounds to me like your folks are trying to open a (slightly belated) dialogue with you about sex.
Of course you're entitled to certain amout of privacy, but unless you're at least 18, they're still responsible for everything you do, and they want to keep you safe. For example, let's just hypothesise that everything goes wrong for you, and your girlfriend ends up pregnant. Unless you're old enough to get a job and work full time to support yourself, your parents (and hers) are the ones who are going to end up 'holding the baby' in a real sense.
Your somewhat frosty attitude to your parents suggests that you think they're somehow prying into your private life, but I see it from a different perspective. What I see is that your folks hope that you'll allay their fears that you'll run off an get married too young, or announce suddenly that they're going to be grandparents.
So throw 'em a bone, for god's sake!
"Thanks for worrying about me, Mum and Dad. I feel good knowing that you both care and want to protect me. I'll be sure that any time I have sex, it'll be safe. And if I decide I want to get married, I'll definitely speak to you about it beforehand. Now, if you'll excuse me..."
That's all true, isn't it? It reponds to their fears without giving away anything too personal.
Yes, "at the end of a long day" it *is* your decision to have sex, or not. Long as you're legal. But try to respect that your parents have a great deal of wisdom and experience. They've been managing their lives since well before you were born, so if you've gained all you need to know in less than two decades, then they'll know roughly twice as much as you do now. They're offering to help, so don't swat them away before you consider whether they might, possibly have learnt something you didn't know.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm 17 years old and my girlfriend is 16 years old....
...............................
A
female
reader, katzkitten  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 Sounds like your parents may know what your doing and are trying to subtly stop u. i may be wrong tho so dont take my word for it. out of interest how old are you? dont worry i wont judge am just curious. good luck x x x
...............................
|
