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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a guy off the internet about 3 months ago. He lives in GA, and I live in NC. It's about a 3 1/2 hour drive to see each other, but so far the distance hasn't been a problem because after talking to each other on the phone for a month or longer, we then began seeing each other almost every weekend after. I feel that we had a very open, and wonderful relationship, and it seemed to moving into something that would have turned out great for the future. We got along great, and was very comfortable with each other. About 3 weeks ago, we got on the subject of his move to GA and if there was anyone that he liked or was interested in when he moved there. I'm not really sure why this came up, but it somehow just thrown into the conversation. Another quick note, he always told me whenever I mentioned how attractive I thought he was, that he never had any girls hit on him, and he really didn't hit on any girls because he doesn't find himself attractive. So back to the point.. As we were talking, he mentioned that the only person that he ever really liked while living in GA, was his neighbor that lived downstairs from him. But he said he would never pursue anything with her because she was in fact his neighbor and good friend, and she had been seeing a guy for a while, but they just recently broke up, she wasn't completely over him yet, and he didn't want to cause here any additional pain. So I took his word for it and left it at that even though it did bother me that he had these feelings for her, she does live in the same state, and worst, knowing that they have hung out together before, and probably still. So when I was in GA a little over a week ago, I noticed that every time he would go to look out the window, he would always say something like, Oh, my neighbor's home, Or Oh I don't want to turn the TV/Stereo up too loud because I don't want to disturb my neighbor. So that really bothered me. I never said anything about it while there, but it weighed heavily on my mind. I mean I am the one he was supposedly seeing, so I just didn't understand why he was so much more concerned with her then with me. Anyways, when I got back home that night, he never called me. And he mentioned earlier in the day that he was tired so I figured I would just talk to him in the morning. Well little did I know that he would barely talk to me over next week, and when he did, it was short, and simple mostly like me asking him simple question "How are you" Did you sleep well" etc, and getting one word answers. No conversation at all. I finally asked him what was bothering him, and he finally after several days of not clearly answering the question said that he thought we had communication problems and that he didn't think I was being my true self when I was around him, and just some small minor things. And I tried to talk to him and get a clearer definition of what exactly the communication problems were, but he really wouldn't tell me. And I noticed that in between responses on Instant messenger, it would take him 20 minutes or longer to sometimes respond back to me, and sometimes, not even at all. I tried calling him twice, but both times he claimed he either missed my call, or he didn't get my message I left him on his cell. So basically the only interaction we've had has been on the IM. And he hasn't made any attempt to call me either or email. I really don't know what else to do. I have called him twice and asked him to call me, talked to him on the IM and explained how I feel and requested him to please try and let us work on whatever it is, and even got to the point of telling him that if he really wasn't happy with the way things were going, to please let me know so we could work them out, or go our seperate ways. But he wouldn't answer me, and now I haven't heard from him since Friday night. And that was short, and just to say hello. So my questions are, is this guy through with me, is there someone else, How do I get him to talk to me, and why does he keep contacting me on the internet but not on the phone? I just don't understand what is going on and what I should do.Thanks
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (31 May 2006):
 Im not sure there is anything wrong with not wanting to turn the tv/stereo up too loud so as not to disturb this neighbour and it certainly doesnt indicate there is anything more to it, despite his feelings. Also I am a little confused because you say she 'lived' not 'lives' downstairs from him. Did he move to GA from close to you??
I dont think the signs are good here though to be honest because he is obviously the one with the communication problem. Obviously there is more than meets the eye here but you cant be totally sure exactly what it is and although you are bound to assume the worst that may not be the case. You cant force him to talk to you. Maybe send him an email explaining how hurt you are but then leave the ball in his court. I have to say I would choose the Net over the phone if I was likely to feel more awkward communicating in person which seems to be the case here, for whatever reason.
Hope that helps. Take care.
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