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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi all, ive met a guy online and we have been chatting for a bit and exchanged photos, he now wants to meet me which is great, but im worried about meeting him in case he dont like what he sees. Also i maybe overreacting but i think he talks to other girls on the site as well, which isnt wrong but the things he has said to me has been so nice, i just hope he aint after a "quickie", which i have asked him and he said he is looking to settle down. Do you think he's just keeping his options open? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 I think that you should take a friend with you when you meet him and make sure you meet him in a busy public place just incase he turns out to be one of them internet weirdos. He has obviously seen pictures of you and likes what he see because otherwise he still wouldn't want to meet you. He probably is talking to other girls on the net but maybe when he meets you he will decide you are the one for him and stop talking to other girls. I think you should be extra cautious though because you only know him through the net and not as a person and it is easy to put a front on when chatting on the net. So don't give into his sweet talk get to know him in person for a while first. Good luck
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 You can't expect him to focus on you just yet, you haven't even met him!!
He has a right to keep in touch with other people until he has met someone who he can feel he can commit to, and can offer him the same commitment.. that is the nature of on-line dating - you can lose someone as quickly as you met them, it is such a fast-paced environment for meeting people!
He will probably be thinking the same as you, and be just as nervous..what's the alternative - that you DON'T meet - what then?? You may not like him, either way, if you don't meet him, how will you ever know? We are all only human, after all.
Just follow the usual safety guidelines - Meet in the daytime, perhaps for lunch, so that there are no 'pregnant pauses' - you will have the food/service etc to talk about - nothing too personal.
Consider also that if you arrive under your own steam you can leave the same way, and he need'nt know where you live. Tell someone at home, or a friend, where you are going, and promise to phone them as soon as you get back.
You will be in a public place, with other people around, and you can leave without that end-of-evening, cup-of-coffee moment which can feel so awkward!
Don't give him ANY personal information at this early stage (you don't know what his motives are, after all), and should you feel 'right' with him after a few dates, try to get to know about his friends and family, and see if you could get to meet some of them..you can learn an awful lot about a person - and not just what they want you to hear!!
Hope you find this helpful - and not too obvious!!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (31 August 2006):
 You are wise to be cautious but stop worrying about him liking you...start worrying, instead, about who this guy is really and what he wants from you. He maybe a nice guy and you may have a great friendship/ romance etc, BUT the internet dating thing is full of creeps and socially dysfunctional types (...sure there are some nice people but it is a question of finding needles in haystacks). Don't believe a word he says until you are sure he is alright and be safe - don't go meeting him without telling anyone or going off somewhere isolated. It is a question of common sense really - you wouldn't put yourself in a difficult situation with a complete stranger normally but as you think you know them from their correspondence over the email it is easy to fall into a trap. Be careful and keep an open mind!
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