A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a man online four months ago. We have been communicating steadily. We are meeting in two weeks. After we exchanged pictures of each other and started getting to know one another the sparks were flying. I have not had sex in years as I am waiting for the one so i engaged in some sexual flirtation over texts as it was fun and I did not have to do anything. He told me his fantasy is to get aroused and then have me take pictures of him modeling. Is this normal?
View related questions:
engaged, flirt, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (22 April 2010):
Not straight away I think he is a bit forward?
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 I echo what the other respondents have said to you...be careful and don't hold up too many expectations. It is unlikely that you would meet 'the one' online for all sorts of reasons...but you might just get lucky. However, as a grown woman you probably don't need to be reminded about the potential for this guy to turn out to be anything but what you expected! I think an alarm bell should be ringing in the back of your head about him saying what he wants to happen sexually (you haven't even had a date with him yet!). He maybe talking to many women online. It is not that his fantasy is abnormal as such, just telling that he told you all this by text or email and you pair haven't even met yet. I would say it sets a sexual agenda for your face to face meeting that you may not be personally comfortable with. I would say whatever he wants, don't go past your personal boundaries in the hope of getting a relationship out of it. If you do meet him, take it slowly because if he wants to jump your bones the second you meet...it means he is probably an internet serial dater who sleeps with lots of women this way. I would also say that you shouldn't allow him to take any photos of you that you would not be comfortable to be posted all over the internet. Take care, stay in touch with trusted friends and family and don't go anywhere too remote with him as you don't know him even if your internet contact makes you think you do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): I agree with TimmD - everyone is different. This is a fetish, but it's not an especially unusual or 'far out' one. What rings alarm bells for me is the fact that you say you're waiting for 'the one'. I'm not sure what that means, and I might be misinterpreting, but it sounds like you have quite strong romantic intentions for this relationship. I wonder if this guy really feels the same? It can be very exciting to meet someone online who is willing to experiment sexually from the get-go, but that's not necessarily a basis for a longterm relationship. Don't get me wrong: there's absolutely nothing wrong with you guys meeting and having some fun together in whatever way you want to! Sex for sex's sake is fantastic! But I am concerned that you seem to be pinning a lot of hopes on this being more than that, when it might just be an exciting hookup. I'm afraid that you just can't know whether a guy is 'the one' for you by meeting him over the internet. People can be quite different in person, and can have all kinds of tics and behaviours that are invisible on the web, but drive you mad in reality. It's also very easy to idealize an online person. I don't mean to sound like a killjoy, but be a bit emotionally careful here: some relationships between people who meet online work brilliantly (a couple of my friends who met online are now married!) but there are many more that fail. Also, I don't think that you should feel pressured into doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. And I echo what TimmD says about safety - be careful that you look out for yourself physically here too. I'm sure the guy is genuine, but when you're thinking about something that places you in a position of vulnerability, you need to be just a little bit careful.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Is his fantasy of getting aroused and having you take pictures of him normal? Well, everybody has different fantasies and fetishes and compared to other ones out there this doesn't sound TOO crazy. Definitely a little different, but nothing to be too alarmed about. Maybe he just likes it when a women is into him being aroused...
One side note, while online relationships occur all of the time and can be a good thing.... BE CAREFUL. No matter how well you know him, make sure when you meet it is in a public place preferably during the day. Don't completely meet on his terms.... try to compromise and do things evenly.
Good luck.
...............................
|
