A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is 11 years old than me i am 17 and he is 28 he gets very jelous but then he loves parading me in front of his friends. We were in a pub. I bent over to pick up a packet of crisps and he was saying to his mates "that is all mine when ever i want it" i told him i didnt like what he said and went home. His mate was telling me how he tells him all about me and him having sex and what we do and everything and how he was my first time and how tight i was and that he popped my chrry and how great it was to see me bleed (of course im very upset its very private). He is really upsetting me. Then he tells me what a slut i am and that i shouldnt flirt with the guys from my college even though i dont and he doesnt like me having guy mates! Why does he talk about me this way? Is it the age thing will he change is it something im doing maybe the clothes i do or what i do? I REALLY LOVE HIM!!! He is talking about having kids and wants me to move in with him my parents dont like him and i really dont know what to do im so confused? Is this all my fault he makes me feel so dirty sometimes but i relly love him i cant not speak to him for a hour with out missing him! i just dont know what to do ? plz help thanks xx
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Next time he humiliates you in front of his friends...... Tell them in a loud voice "I hear that he has told you guys what we get up to in bed. Let me tell you that HE HAS A TEENY WEENY TODGER AND HE IS SO CRAP IN BED I FIND MYSELF FALLING ASLEEP WHILST WE ARE ON THE JOB"!!!
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 He's treating you not as the woman he loves but as some kind of sexual trophy. Sounds pretty crass to me. I think there's something better out there for you. You're only 17. Lots of men would be delighted to be with you and treat you with respect as a person, not as a sexual possession.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): You say you love him, but does he love you? Surely a man who loves his partner will not discuss such personal details? He sounds like a control freak and will not change, as long as you are with him he will degrade you and ruin your self esteem. Time to get out while you can!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible,
painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you
find that without overcoming those obstacles you would
have never realized your potential, strength,
willpower, or heart.
- Anonymous -
He is uncouth and ill mannered.
Those of his kind where you can find at the lower end of the society.
They treat women with disdain, contempt and scorn.
If you think you can reform him , then good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Hey, he sounds like a control freak, he says mean horrible stuff to you to break up your self confidence so you dont feel like you can get into a proper secure relationship if you leave this one, it sounds like hes simply using you, to say he has fucked you, ok, but to give details like that is mean!! if you tell him and he doesnt stop he doesnt seem right for you. Id say move on, not because of the age difference but because he is not healthy for you!!xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): It's ok to ignore him talking to his mates about. It's somewhat normal (although a little much here). I would be more concerned about how insecure he seems to be. He's obviously jealous.. already very bad. Another sign is that he seems to be "pushing" the relationship on very fast. Move in, get married, have kids. He's forcing you to move forward in this relationship & your only 17! He feels insecure so he's trying to nail you down & make you his. This is how you should respond.
YOU: I think its a little hasty to move in together/get married/have kids. I don't like being hurried or pressured into it.
HIS RESPONSE: I only want those things cause I love you sooo much!! You obviously don't love me!
WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY: Your a bullshitter & a hypocrite. If you loved me you wouldn't call me names (like slut) all the time.
HIM: It's because you act like a whore & talk to other men!
WHAT YOU SHOULD SAY: How insecure are you? So what if I talk to other men sometimes? Just talking (especially when your around) is just talking! I tell you I love you & that should be enough! ILUVUILUVUIVLUVU.... & you think by just talking to another man that I suddenly DON'T love you? If you're not a secure enough man to believe that I love you & wouldn't cheat on you then stop wasting time CALLING ME NAMES & break up with me already! I need a man who can keep his emotions in check.
HE MIGHT SAY: So you want to break up with me so you can to be a WHORE?
YOU SAY: Even though I DO love you, you're still a retarded moron. I never said I wanted to break up, I just am sick of your insecure bullshit. Why would I need a man who calls me names & tries to force things on me? SO WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO MOVE IN SO FAST? I'm 17. It's time that you start catering to my feelings instead of me always giving in to your bullshit.
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A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Your BF is will never change, not one bit..
He tell's his mates (if you can call them that) everthin about your 1st time together, what happend and all the little things... All that shouldnt be told/said to anyone!!
Look here, from what you have said on here, he doesnt care about your feelings at all, talks about you and your body like they belong to him (more or less he's a control addict), it wont end unless you leave him and you really can do better than him as in find someone who repects YOU, YOUR FEELINGS and YOUR PRIVATE LIFE..
I really cant see their bein any love from him and if you think about it, your mostly doin all the work in this r'ship, it wont grow ot even last.
You deserve much, much more than what he's givin and showin you.. It's not in anyway your fault at all ok, move on.
I can also understand and see why your parents dont like him at all. Sometimes parents dont know a good thing when they see it but in this case, they're right in not likin him, you can do so much better.
Hope all this and what other aunts have to say help.
All the best
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi,
you really want to change him dont you? You really think you can change him dont you?
Get one thing straight, he sees you as his little plaything that he can boast about to his mates. He will never change for you , never. That is why your parents hate him, they see him for what he is. A man who is taking advantage of their daughter.
The sooner you wake up to this the better you will be off. But you seem like a lot of girls who are prepared to put up with being abused because you believe you can change the monster you are dating. I truly feel sorry for you, but you are able to do something about it. It just depends whether you have the self respect to believe you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Um, sorry to be direct here, but your guy sounds like a first-class jerk. There's nothing caring or gentlemanly about his behavior toward you and I think you seriously need to consider dumping him.
He makes you feel like dirt, he tells intimate things about you to his mates, bragging the whole time, puts you down, tries to control your life and your friends. He might be very handsome and charming and all that, but he is not going to change. Can you picture your life with him in say two years?
Please seriously consider what you would like in a boyfriend, and we're not talking about him here, just the ideal picture of the guy that would make you happy, give you self-confidence, support your efforts at school.
I know that you deserve to be treated with respect, and love, and care. Please go read Ask oldersister's article in the Articles section here 'Warning signs you're dating a loser.' And think about what YOU want and what you deserve.
All the best, and please take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Sounds to me like this guy is extremely possessive. He speaks degradingly about you in front of his mates, harping on about your sex life when he ought to be bigging you up about how fantastic you are and what a kind person and a beautiful girl you are. He sounds like he takes you for granted, and wants everyone to know that he owns you.And he doesn't want you to talk to other guys, even mates?It's nothing you did, or how you dress. It's him. The problem is entirely with him and his personality. Face it, sweetie: he is degrading, rude, possessive, calls you a slut. You are eleven years younger than he is, barely having lived or had an opportunity to enjoy yourself, have a job, be a young woman, and he's talking about marriage and living together?You obviously have gnawing doubts about him, however you feel. This is your warning sign that your relationship isn't working, and he will continue to be rude and aggressive to you even if you tell him off about it. My advice is to tell him you don't want to keep dating, tell your parents, and keep away from him. He doesn't deserve you. If he's not prepared to treat you right, you do not have to put up with him.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (30 April 2008):
 sweetie he seems really insecure, sometimes you can reassure someone till their blue in the face and they wont change so its 50% 50%. and it is improper of him to say such things about your private life and that he should have more respect for you.and having kids when the relationship is not happy is a bad step..youre not dirty at all hes trying to make you feel insecure too by the sound of things.. hope this helps aphex xx
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