A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have been acting a bit strange lately and have no idea why! Here's a bit of background: me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and he has had a lot of sexual partners before me. This really hurts me and it's caused a lot of problems, I am completely obsessed by his past and I allow it to hurt me really badly.Anyway, lately, I've been asking him to treat me badly during sex and telling him to imagine I am just one of them one night stands. He just wants to make love to me and is a bit freaked by this and I suppose it's scared me: my obsession really is a bit crazy!I guess I just don't get why I'd like to be treated like one of them? Maybe I think he enjoys having one night stands more? (he says he doesn't). Or maybe I feel below them girls somehow and think doing this and letting him treat me badly will put me on par with them? I'm so confused! Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2006): I completely understand what you are going through as I have gone through it myself (with the exception of the rough roll playing). The reason why I think you are obsessing about his past is because you care for him very deeply and wish that you were the ONLY one he had slept with. I think you might know what I mean! I feel you care for him so deeply and you would like to share something very special with him and possibly might think of sex as that one very important thing that is shared between you two. When it comes down to it, by what you described, this boy cares as much for you as you do for him and that special bond in itself should be special enough. Also think of it this way, you weren't one of those one night stands and he thinks highly enough of you to commit to a relationship. Find something between the two of you that neither has done before (taking a road trip, painting the house, ect...) and that can be your special bond with him, which in actuality is worth more than a one night romp under the sheets!
Good luck to you and your endeavors in love
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): Maybe you are jealous that these "sluts" (so to speak) got to your boyfriend before you and you are trying to play out that feeling?
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, I think you and him are the only ones who would know this though.
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A
female
reader, seenitdoneit +, writes (15 August 2006):
Anything that happens in the bedroom is fine if you are both OK with it. Many women fantasize about being disrespected in the bedroom and if you think it is safe for him to do this then he is probably a real gentlemen out of it. We all have twinges of jealousy about our partner's past, jut remember there may have been others but its you he's chosen to stay with - so you must be pretty special too.
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