A
male
age
41-50,
*ipley
writes:Ok, I'm going to try to keep this one reasonably short. I met a woman a year and a half ago and we had quite possibly the best "honeymoon" phase ever. I'd never felt like that before. My life has pretty much been in shambles for the last two years. I'm under-employed and couldn't afford to do many of the things that happen in "normal" relationships. It was a strain on both of us. Long story short, over time, we began arguing a lot, occasionally breaking up (which never lasted more than a day or two), but always loved one another deeply.She accepted a promotion that took her to the UK (we're both from the states) and because of visa issues and lingering concerns about the way our relationship had become, my going with her wasn't an option. I still love her very much, have told her so (probably too much, as she's now ignoring me completely). I know we can't be together now, but having left things as "maybe the best thing is for us to leave it be for now and see if we come back together in the future" is torturous. We're both trying to move on, and I think she's understandably excited by her new surroundings, meeting new people etc, as this has always been her dream. I on the other hand seem to be stuck trying to get past the grief.I find myself trolling the web, seeking breaking up/moving on advice hour after hour, day after day and don't know what to do.Anyone ever been in a similar boat? Advice? Please?PS - I've started therapy, anti-depressants, the whole nine. I'm just looking for a little more help/insight.
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male
reader, Kipley +, writes (6 June 2011):
Kipley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous, Anastasia - Thank you. I seem to slip back into a place where I'm struggling to accept the reality of it all. Life's a funny thing sometimes.
I just wish it were easier for me to flip the switch on my feelings, forget about them, put down the baggage and move on. This isn't my first serious break up, so I know that I'll get through it and will be better off once I'm on the other side.
It's just so. darn. hard.
Again, thank you for responding. Your words mean a lot.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): That's quite rough. Well, frankly it sounds like you've sort of answered your own dilemma and the path of least resistance here would be to simply "move on". Easier said than done though,I know.
Sounds like your situation outside of this relationship is complex and that you're going through a rough time. I think that the focus at this time should be on yourself to get your life back on track. Things will fall into place once that's set and you will be happier. If things work out with this girl to start up again afterwards - great! If not, then it might to just move on in life. Appreciate the times you've had and how you were able to grow from each other and in time it will all be for the best.
Good luck, just stay positive. You'll be fine.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 As hard as what you are going to hear will sound...you need to really heed it.
I have been exactly where you are...the BEST thing for you to do is to move on, have no communication and let it be. Concentrate on yourself...self improvement...getting a better job, going out, meeting new friends. Kudos to you for acknowledging that you need help...I was on prozac for 2 months...and it helped a little...but you can't use the medication as a crutch. I went the whole 9 ...pychics, shrinks, gypsies, mom, dad, everyone. You literally need to pull yourself together and get out of the hole you are in. No one can do that but you. If you can, do group therapy, that helps you meet new people....who you can gather strength from, have coffee with...
You need to understand that she is on the other side of the world...my friend asked me one day when I was crying...she said " you know you are over here crying over him...but bet your last dollar he isn't crying over you"...and he was not...he was living his life while mine was falling apart. You need to find the will power and strength to live your life...YOUR Life...not a life waiting for her to realise you still exist.
I honestly wish you the best, it is bloody hard, but everyday you make it without contacting her....get easy, you will find you will think of her less...remove all memories of her around the house....it gets easier buddy...I promise. It's a fight...but you will make it.
Take care luv...be strong
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