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*elly123
writes: I was married for 21 years. He was a horrible man, violent, abusive. When we divorced I met a lovely man. He was everything my ex wasn't. I have three children 22yrs 20yrs 19yrs of age. They are great, no trouble whatsoever. My partner don't like my sons but likes my daughter. They moved out because of him, but when they visit he goes moody, saying horrible things about them. Then we argue. He now wants to sell our house, live on his own and I visit him at weekends without my kids. What's your answer?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rainee  +, writes (12 May 2005):
 Well, actually, it can be quite hard to provide an answer for something that technically had no question asked. I assume you love your kids and would never want to be out of their lives, and vice versa (you never would have wrote if you didn't). You and your kids together make a family, and since he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with your kids, why would you want anything to do with man who loves you not as well? You think he is a lovely man... and yes, maybe on the outside he is comparatively better. He isn't violent. But that's not to say he isn't abusive. Abusers employ many different ways to hurt their victim, including isolation. He's driven some of your kids off already. Of course, with that strange little tactic where he wants to isolate himself, that's new to me, but nevertheless it's still suspicious - he doesn't like the boys, but he likes your daughter? That sounds terribly wrong... It still leaves the matter that he wants nothing to do with your family. It seems you left one bad situation for another... have you considered just staying single for a while? You made it sound like you met him as soon as you divorced your ex-husband. When coming out of bad relationships a person needs to find their own footing in the world again, and stand for themselves, gaining the freedom and learning just /what it is/ they stand for. Only when you know yourself can you find someone who fits you - how can you find the right peg to fit the hole if you don't know if you're triangle-shaped or star-shaped? Good luck.
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