A
female
age
41-50,
*incigal
writes:In January 2008, I found out that my newlywed husband had been having an affair for most of our one year marriage. I booted him to the curb in January. In April, 2008, I started dating my new boyfriend, and we have been together now for 5 1/2 months. Things between us have escalated very rapidly. In the past five months we have gone on 3 vacations together and he is purchasing his first home, in which I am supposed to be moving in with him. Here lies the problem. My ex husband was caught cheating on me, now I can't help but continuously think that my new boyfriend is cheating on me as well. It has made me extremely emotional, obsessive and very clingy- I feel that I am sabotoging my own relationship. Currently we do not live together- we live in the same apartment complex, but different buildings. If there is an evening where he does not invite me over, I have found myself getting very upset- crying myself to sleep. I find myself checking his cell phone and emails every chance I get to see who is he is communicating with on a daily basis. I have found myself sitting by the phone literally waiting for him to call me. He is an extreme case of type A personality .. borderline bi-polar. In one sentence we'll be laughing and in the next sentence I would have said soemthing wrong and he wants to go home and be alone. He has told me time and time again that he needs an independent woman, someone who has her own thing going on and is not reliant on him because it's a 50/50 relationship. I love that because I used to have all sorts of thing going on, sports, the gym, dinner with friends, alone time, but I am SOOOO paranoid that he is cheating on me and will break up with me at any given second, that I have rearranged my schedule entirely. I don't just think it's paraonia .. he is very secretive with me about things .. if he gets a text message or phone call, his demeanor sometimes changes and he won't tell me who it was he was talking to and he never gives up that information. If we have sex once a week, we're doing good .. at 5 months, I would think we should still be more active than that .. I need help!!! What can I do? I really care for this man and I don't want to continue to sabotage my relationship with him. Am being paraonid?? What can I do to ease my mind and not be so .. crazy
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I can understand that you have difficulty with Trusting somebody again, but unles you do something about these issues real soon, you will be destroying your relationship and will have problems with future relationships.
I suggest you go for COUNSELING to help you overcome your issues regarding trust.
Do not allow your past experience to destroy your future.
John Emile Borduas said: " The past must no longer be used as an anvil for beating out the present and the future".
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): I feel that you are just being insecured.
If he doesn't tell you who is on the line, from my view, it is privacy. As long as he loves you, cares about you, that is great. If he on the phone for hours, maybe you can ask. I am guy, I don't know how other guy think but if my gf asked me, I would be happy because it shows some cute jealousy. But not too much, you get what I mean?
If you miss him, why wait for him to call? You can call too.
No one can be trusted nor there exist committed relationship in just few months. Give time to both of you, time will they who is he.
And, if there is guy who cheat, doesn't mean every other guy will.
I hope it helps.
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