A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My new hubby is proving to be such a disappointment. When we first met he was sexy and driven.He was flirty and dirty. He had boundless energy and thrilled me with his crazy plans and naughty antics.One night he drove me to a top hotel and plied me with champagne. He took me to a bedroom and covered the bed in £20 notes.We made passionate love as the notes crinkled and crunched beneath us. It was such a thrill.The next day we bombed down to a secluded beach and danced naked in the surf. Later we drank wine on the sand and made love under a full moon.When we married I had such high hopes for us as a dynamic couple.I imagined us securing great jobs, buying a fab house and enjoying luxury travel.But he already seems to have given up and has sunk into boring middle age. In the past six months he’s turned down three good promotions at work, which would have netted us a fortune.He’s put on weight and isn’t bothering in the bedroom, either. The other night he pushed me away when I tried to kiss him.My friend has suggested he’s like a neutered cat. He’s got his wife, his home and his job and that’s that.?All ambition has gone out the window and he’s growing old before my very eyes.The sad fact is he’s only 30, but he’s acting like an OAP.The other night he even started nagging me about playing my music too loud and spending too much money on clothes.I want my old lover back. The guy who gave me sexy massages and made me laugh out loud with his ridiculous sense of humour.I didn’t marry this old goat.?I’m so frustrated and unhappy. What am I going to do?
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ambition, at work, flirt, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Sorry babes, but the other aunts and uncles are right. You don't sound like you got married for the right reasons, you don't sound like you love this man at all. It sounds more like you were attracted by the money, and failed to realise that during courtship people try their best to attract a partner. This is marriage, marriage can be boring. You should have married a man you wanted to do dishes with, not a man who would constantly fly you round the world. That's the movies baby, not real life at all. Your husband works, he is tired, he hasn't got the money or energy to keep up the Prince Charming act. I hear what he did for you, £20 on the bed, dancing naked on the beach. I wonder who paid for all of that. This is the 21st century babes, women who want excitement and money can get education and better jobs and do it all for themselves. We no longer have to wait for prince charming to take care of us. I suggest if you want a more exciting life and marriage, you make steps to change yourself and make more money and excitement by yourself. If you start doing interesting things, going out, finding yourself a new job, getting yourself a promotion, your husband will be inspired with you, and start sorting himself out.
You didn't marry the man, you married the illusion. If you want an exciting partner, learn to become an exciting partner. If you want romance and riches, get a good job and work on bring romance back into your marriage. Don't look at your husband and get angry and disappointed, look at yourself and get angry and disappointed. If you want a good life, go out and create one, and he will get inspired and join you....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Your priorities in the relationship sound pretty shallow to me. Money, travel, and clothes? You say this is not important to you, but it's the first thing you complain about in your post, so it's obviously on your mind. Maybe you should re-evaluate why you married him in the first place...or consider getting a job to work for some of these things yourself instead of expecting him to provide everything for you. You don't have to go become a CEO with a six-figure salary...but show him you're willing to contribute. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): to me, it sounds like he put a ton of effort into making a fantasy come true and maybe he's tired now. I don't think that sort of thing can be kept up forever by anyone. It's unrealistic to expect the honeymoon to last infinitely, but you might just try talking to him and letting him know that you love him no matter what. Lower your expectations a little for what you want back. the two of you should put effort into spicing up the marriage, but I wouldn't expect everything to go back to the early stage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): I'm 25, and me and my husband have been together since we were 19 years old, so that's a good 6 years we've been a couple.
It's not so much money, ambition and material things that are important, but having a great personality and being romantic that are important to me.
He's still being this way, and refuses to change. In fact he's started to get a beer belly, and spends more time acting like an OAP. He's even told me to stop being silly.
Suzanne
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 October 2008):
How long were you together before you married?
It sounds like money and ambition and material things are very important to you. There is nothing wrong with that - some one has to buy things at full price and not just in the sale like me!!
Are you sure he didn't just use this to seduce you into marriage and you didn't get to know the real him?
Sit him down and ask him seriously what has changed. Does he have a lot of money worries that he is hiding? If he does then the way the economy is headed may have got him worried.
Talk to him and be his partner. He may see you as his girly Mrs who he can't talk to. You need to make him see that you are a team.
Good Luck!! xx
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