A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i split with my ex in may and we had being together for 4 and a half years.He was a horrible manipulator who played a lot of games and wasn't physically violent but mentally exhausting. i finally freed myself from him after 4 long years and i wasnt interested in anyone after this exhausting relationship but surprisingly met someone on holiday who is gourgous looking, sensible, loving, thoughtful and kind.... Also my own age as me and my ex had 13 years apart. now i love spending time with him and even in the bedroom he is awesome... i have everything i ever wanted a happy well balanced healthy relationship but the thing that kept me with my ex is the banter we had, how he made me laugh so hard and the cheeky personality he had, me and my ex had a unhealthy relationship, which was full of his jelousy, weed smoking and contantly needing reassurance and no matter what i did he was never happy. i now have everything i ever wanted with this new guy but i miss the humour connection me and my ex had, we understood each other 100% and just clicked off each other, now this is the ONLY thing missing.I know i have it good, so why cant i accept this? is it just a case of my heart talking to my head, i wouldnt want to get back with my ex, i stopped smoking weed after 4 years and have generally improved my life in all but part of me still misses this... will this feeling fade or is it true... you cant help who you love? has anyone else had this? just needing some general advice, i didnt want to get involved with someone so soon, and im aware im probably not ready which i said to my new guy and said i want to take things really slow because of my last relationship and he is understanding of this, i just know my ex was such a good manipulator!! any advice to help me move on and appreicate the good things i have?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Lets think this over.
Present guy. Good looking. Kind. Sweet. Caring. Good in bed. Drug free. No sense of humor.
Last guy. Good looking. Smokes weed. Liar. Manipulator. Uncaring. Selfish. Good sense of humor.
With what you listed, why go back go the heartache? Seems like the new Guy is a winner. This too shall pass. Just be patient. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I see this as two problems. 1) You got rather addicted to the drama your first relationship had. Sure the humor was good I suppose but I think it goes deeper. 2) You somehow think you don't deserve this new man because he's too perfect, he's too wonderful, he's too flawless. Maybe you're not worth all that wonderful? Is that what you're subconscious little mind is telling you? If so stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Screw the humor your ex had with you. He was a total horses ass and now you have someone who's awesome. Don't screw it up because he can't banter with you the way your ex used to. There are probably plenty of other things he does that's even better. That's what you have to focus on.
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