A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with this guy for almost three years and for most of the time I knew him he was pretty much only interested in hooking up with girls or having really short relationships that were based purely on sex and as his friend, and only his friend, I was one of the only stable female relationships he had in his life who he wasn't sleeping with. A part of me always liked him as more than a friend and I knew he liked me but I never let anything happen because I didn't want to just be like all the other girls in his life and I valued the fact that our friendship was different. In the past 6 months or so he's really changed though...he stopped dating for awhile, started studying for the lsats so he can go to law school, and stopped the excessive partying and drinking. Finally in the last few weeks he and I started talking more and it transitioned from being friends to the beginnings of a relationship, except that I've been working a lot lately so we've ended up doing more talking than actually hanging out and dating. Everything was going fine until the last two days when we've been talking he keeps asking really serious questions of me like how do I feel about the fact that he's mexican and I'm white and if we had kids he'd want them to speak spanish, and saying that when he's in law school for the next four years he's not going to be making much money and what are we going to do then and that I need to tell him how I feel about it, calling me beautiful and amazing, saying he misses me 24/7, every night saying he wants to be cuddled up next to me.... It's all just a little overwhelming to me. I'm not saying I don't possibly want a future with him but it seems a little soon to have to be talking about it all and he didn't seem satisfied when I told him that I think we should take things one day at a time. I'm just getting a little uncomfortable from an overload of romantic comments and future relationship scenarios and I just want the relationship to naturally progress without him laying all this on me before we've even had time to hang out and go on an official date together! I can tell he's wondering why I don't reciprocate but I don't know how to act... this guy was the complete opposite for the majority of the years I knew him and he made me laugh and was funny and I had a good time with him...I guess i just thought things would be like that still but with the new relationship stuff mixed in if we ever transitioned into a relationship, but I didn't think he would be talking so seriously so quickly! I don't want to ruin this before I've given it a chance because I think we could maybe be good together but I'm getting kind of freaked out by the pace it has suddenly taken and all day today I've felt more and more tense when I think about trying to talk to him about it...I just want the happy feeling back when we first started talking as more than friends because all I want to do right now is run away because I'm so frustrated! Please give me advice!---------[Mod note: Thank you for writing to DC. In the future, we would greatly appreciate it if could you help us by breaking your posting into shorter paragraphs to make it more reader friendly (as we have done this for you this time)]---------
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): An overload of future plans can be overwhelming but I think he really likes you. You've managed to convert him from his 'playing' ways. Tell him that's nice to know, but let's not rush a good thing. Try and recapture him making you laugh and enjoying yourself. That's being subtle.Now if you want to get straight to the point tell him it's too much too soon. Be honest, yes you like him, but it's still the early stages of a relationship. Tell him it's getting too intense and you just want to focus on the here and now.Hope this helps izi
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