A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I apologize in advance for this is a rather long message.I'm a forty-six year old, married mother of four adults. My family and I moved to this area eleven years ago when my youngest child was eight years old. Our next-door neighbor was twenty-four at the time of our arrival. He never married (even to this day), didn't have any children (to this day), and is still living by himself in the two-bedroom house next to us.Over the course of the last eleven years, my husband and I thought his situation to be a little peculiar. He has gone on several dates with several women during the time that we've lived here but he's never settled down. My husband and I ultimately concluded that maybe he just wants to live the Bachelor life.Well, again, over the course of the last eleven years, he's gotten rather close to my two youngest children. They are a male and a female. Whenever my husband was out of town due to a business call (he's the main bread-winner in our household), our neighbor would come over and play catch and watch movies with my two youngest while my two oldest went to their friends' houses.When my youngest daughter and child was fifteen and learning how to drive, our neighbor taught her how to drive a stick-shift. When she got her license on her sixteenth birthday, a week later, our neighbor had gotten her a job at his company working as a part-time Receptionist. My youngest son had the job for two years prior to my daughter.When my daughter was going to her senior prom, our neighbor came over to take pictures on his own camera because he was pretty much part of the family by then. We'd had him over for more than several occasions for dinner, to watch the kids, and sometimes, just to share a beer and stories of the past weekend and discuss the football game that was on TV.Anyhow, when he came over and saw my daughter in her prom dress, I had never seen such bright lights in a man's eyes before (other than the ones my husband has for me). Several times I noticed him ogling at my daughter and glaring at her date. She was eighteen at the time and he was thirty-four.Fast-forward a year and two months. My daughter has just finished her freshman year of college (she's maintaining a 4.85 on the Honour's scale) with hopes of getting her Master's in History. I'm quite proud of her and she has my full trust in that she will make the right decisions throughout the rest of her life.Here's where the issue lies: My daughter came back almost exactly a month ago from the university one hour south of us. She's been spending an exuberant amount of time with our neighbor (whom is now thirty-five). Just earlier today, I confronted my youngest son about the amount of time our neighbor's been spending with my nineteen year old daughter. He revealed to me that they've been dating for the last year and two months and been sleeping together the last two months.I know our neighbor would never hurt her, ever. I actually have enough trust in him to know at least that much, but their age difference is just so... large. I know there are celebrities who get married and they're twenty plus years apart and even my own husband is seven years older than me, but this is my nineteen year old daughter who's only had one sexual partner before this man.The neighbor is a thirty-five year old man whom I know has had several sexual partners. Plus, his track record on keeping a woman doesn't exactly flatter him. In fact, I don't think any of his relationships have lasted more than a couple of months or so.I'm wondering if they're planning on getting married? My neighbor will finally settle down but with MY daughter! Should I just accept it for what it is or talk to my daughter about this whole thing? Thank you for reading and for leaving advice, if you do.
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I find it very strange that he watched her growing up and still felt attracted to her. He did things like a father would do with her and your son. I'm 19 myself and yes she's old enough to know what she wants but I find the situation quite strange.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): You can say whatever you want to your daughter but she won't hear you. Love, in my experience, is deaf to ouside critizicm.
The most likely reason he has not had a good track record of hanging on to a woman since you've known him, is because he's been saving a place in his heart for your daughter. I doubt he suddenly developed feelings for her once she turned of legal age. And hey, props to him for waiting untill she was legal!
The age is just a number. Just because he was born first, doesn't mean they can't be together. As long as they are both mature enough to know what they're getting into. And as you already said, you trust this man and you trust your daughter. So i say, leave the rest up to them.
And if it's a mistake she's making, then let her make it and learn from it.
~SY.
...............................
A
female
reader, fireangel +, writes (22 June 2009):
well if it was my daughter i would sit her down and ask her if this is what she really wants and not to answer right away that she really needs to think about before she makes any harsh decisions about what she is doing. he may be a sweet guy and all and you cant help who you fall in love with but im not sure if she is making the right decision. so just make sure this is what she really wants before she moves farther into the relationship.
...............................
|
