A
female
age
36-40,
*ummyMummy
writes:Ok this is more of a rant so I will apologise now.I just got off the phone with my Nan, my Dad's mum. She seems to love winding us all up. I know she only does it because she cares but I'm scared one day I'll say something hurtful to her.The phone call today consisted of her first nagging me about having to postpone university for 1 or 2 years, well I am due to have my baby the end of October but she doesn't understand why that should mess up my uni. I tried to explain that I wouldn't be able to give 100% to my uni course if I have just become a mom. I promptly changed the subject as I was not getting through to her at all.I then asked her how she is. She responded that she's awful because me, my dad and my sisters never come to see her. I can see she gets lonely and I try to see her once a month as well as ring once a week and I know my dad does the same. The problem is for me is that I have to get a train to see her, then a taxi and it ends up costing a fortune. I mean its worth it to see family but a) I do need to save for my baby, and b) am fed up of a lecture when I get there. It kind of wrecks the day.We then cross over to my boyfriend who is currently trying to transfer out of London to live with me and she starts going on about how the transfer should have gone through by now blah blah. I said that he can't transfer until they have a place here for him. Then the fact that I am only working part time gets brought up. I should be working fulltime. Maybe I should. I don't doubt that, but I do look after my niece two afternoons a week plus am currently decorating for babies arrival aswell.Other subjects of nagging were my dad, my mum which really wound me up as my mum and dad are separated and my mum has nothing to do with her, my 18 year old sister, the fact I'm having a girl and not a boy....... the list is endless.I have tried to talk to her before about the nagging. I don't mind people giving me advice or showing concern but she lectures when she has no clue what she is talking about. She has never changed after I and my dad have spoken to her.Am I being harsh? Is there another way I can explain or show her that her nagging winds me up and I shouldn't really get wound up with already slightly high blood pressure. Should I just continue to bite my tongue and get the weekly moan?Thanks for any advice :)xxxxx
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female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (14 June 2007):
YummyMummy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much for your responses. Now Ive calmed down I feel quite stupid for getting all worked up. I have taken in to account what each of you have said and will try and remember it all the next time she starts.
Thank you!
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Hi Yummy,
Your grandmother sounds a lot like mine, although mine is a bit more mean (at least it sounds like your grandmother is okay with your boyfriend, my grandmother called my husband the "scum of the world." lol)
Anyway, the way I get around this is by changing the subject and keeping the conversation based around her. I also try to talk cutesy with her, and it makes her giggle and stay in a good mood. For example, if she says something like "you never come see me anymore!" Then I might respond by saying "I know, and it's so hard because a day without grammy-whammy is like a day without sunshine!" lol It sounds stupid, but this is the only way I've found to lighten what could become a tense situation.
You could also ask for her opinion and advice before she beats you to the punch - maybe next time she nags about something, like your boyfriend being transferred, you could say something like "Nan, I know - it's so frustrating, what do you think I could do to stop getting so worked up about it?" Or you could join in her complaining... I've found that works, too. Once she realizes you're on the same page, it's not so fun to complain anymore.
But everyone's different. And it can be really hard to talk to people with that sort of negative attitude. The only reason I've been able to deal with my grandmother is because I know she's bi-polar and doesn't really want to be that way. Perhaps your grandmother is the same way?
You might also consider sending her cards in the mail. It might brighten her day and keep her in good spirits until you two talk again. ^_^
There's no real answer to your question, but if it gets too much to handle, you could wait until after you have the baby to talk with her again. You don't want to jeopardize your or your baby's health just so you don't upset your grandmother. You are already going through enough stress and mood swings just by being pregnant, I'm sure. There's no need to add to the stress of that.
I hope this helps!
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Sounds like most (including my own) families. Can't do much about it either. Just remember that she doesn't take up much time in your life -- only as long as it takes to talk to her on the phone. If you can get through those times, then just forget about her after that. I'm sure she knows what buttons to push to get you mad, but don't let your reactions fuel her desire to keep pushing them. If you're aloof when she starts talking about school again, maybe she'll stop talking about that.
I have a feeling she's only mentioning stuff that pisses you off so she can feel connected to you all. If she didn't do that, she might not feel important to you guys. Find other ways of "including" her in your life where she won't have an opportunity to criticize, if possible. Maybe that'll make her hush up. :)
If she continues, then that's just your fate! ;)
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (14 June 2007):
 My Gran is pretty similar and used to be much worse she just puts into words everything that is going on in her head. That includes critisims, naggings, worries and more..
I've learnt that you can't change people you can only change how you perceive it.
First, accept that yes your Nan is a nag. She's living on her own and is probably bored, lonely and maybe a little bitter. This is like her therapy. Then, when you speak to her just let the nagging wash over you. Don't over-think it, just accept it and take any positives out of the chat. Don't get involved in defending yourself, just agree with her.
Hope this helps you :-) and good luck let me know if it works!!
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