A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:unrequited love.. how does one get over it? i've fallen hard for someone i could never have (different places in life/opposite sides of the planet). this feels so much worse than a breakup. there's just always this feeling of "what if" and i think of him every time i meet a new guy, no matter how great the new person is. it's been a over two years since we mutually agreed to go separate ways and i still can't get him off my mind. we still keep in touch, which probably is making it harder to get over him. i feel like it's not fair to any future men i date because part of me is still hung up on this guy. not sure what advice i'm looking for.. i just need a way to get over him.
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male
reader, Cag Lee "Apollo" Adarma  +, writes (16 June 2007):
 Hey,
funny thing is i'm in the exact same position. I also felt like a bit of a doofus for having gone through it, so its nice to see i'm not alone in this.
Its not a nice feeling- and your right, that the "what if" is the thing that is such a burden.
But the thing i have had to tell myself is "what has ended if it never began?"
The other thing you have to tell yourself is that you don;t "really" know him. I know thats painful to admitt but its the truth.
You've never had to sit through him in a bad mood, or argue over the remote or go somewhere with him where he embarrased you, or how compassionate he can be in crisis,or be with him when he's smelly or having a bad breath day or, inversely when you being the negative on a encountering how he deals with it...all the things that test a relationship over time, you haven;t experienced.
So what you do know about him is a type of fantasy- the best parts the parts that seem romantic even in their drudgery. So your right, its really not fair to compare him with other guys because these guys are present- and its going to be alot harder to forge a real relationship with them that it would ever be with someone you've never met.
The other peice of advise is maybe...meet him...if you haven't already.
now, i'm not advocating you taking any unneeded risks- make sure you meet him somewhere public, where everyone knows you'll be, and even maybe take someone with you- but meeting him may give you some closure.
I'm really, really considering it myself- not because i think anything will spark, because i know it won;t, just for the drawing of a line under the situation.
The internet is great for meeting people for random chats but when you start incorporating emotions into it, it can be messy, as to divide the audible/textual from the physical is in itself an illogical situation- which makes it so difficult to get over it.
Hope this helps
The Capt
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I think you really hit the nail on the head when you talk about staying in touch. Every time you communicate with him it's going to stir the same pot of feelings over and over again. As hard as it may be, you might need to completely cut your ties. If you do that I would suggest telling him though, just so that if your circumstances change you won't have burnt any bridges.
Good luck.
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