A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear AllApologies in advance for the length of this post, the details are needed!Ok, I’m 14 and have always loved my family and put them first. I have few friends because I commit myself to them more than anyone else. I always male myself available for them and respect them dearly.Ok a brief insight into the history and why I need help.We moved into a town 9years ago, my parents always weren’t as close to the extended family for personal reasons which are not applicable to this post. Because of this we were always strong and ‘a unit’ that always cared/looked out for each over.Two years ago extended family came on the scene whilst (unknown to me then) my parents were on a fine edge of divorce, extended persons came to involved, relationships were destroyed and chaos was realised amongst the family.My Dad moved out and well came back to my Mum now and then, and now they are ‘separated’ – not divorced, he keeps coming back and forth (but will discuss this later).Being a ‘family man’ I was distraught but kept strong and loved everyone, sometimes it was hard but I tried.Then my Dad had an affair whilst we were living in the same family home, he even made me meet her! I was flexible, but deep down so damaged.The affair ended and now my Mum keeps seeing him and vice versa now and then and I have to go with her as he lives miles away.I feel I have been so flexible and well, the best I can be, being a teen most are destructive and ‘ruthless’, I’m pretty boring.Every time I visit my Dad he was abusive about me and others in my family. He criticised me for helping my Mum by telling her about how she could overcome and be better than the stupid lady he had an affair with. Last month I told him basically, sort it (told him I was unhappy) or else I won’t see him. However his first words were, ‘except me how I am or else’ and he didn’t except he had an affair.Now I went to see him last month with the idea of it being a last chance. He was a bit better however I was still upset (I had to tell him what I like to eat! Etc), then he started telling me how he was over with my Mum etc, and told me he was sick of the responsibility of being a farther! We concluded the argument and I was still hurt but gave way (being the softy to my family that I am). Then before I left he invited my Mum and a lot of the family to see his new home (pushing the limits in my opinion as before the chaos started me and my Mum were meant to be moving into there as our new home with my Dad), at the end he asked us why not stay when he knew we couldn’t, it upset me so much – that should be our home!I haven’t spoken to him for a long while, even ignoring him when he visited our home. He never rang or messaged me! Last night he rang inviting me and my Mum to stay on our holiday period next week. I told him how I felt and that I refused to stay with him or see him he argued back.I told him how I feel he has tortured my mind and I hate how he has become and the way he treats me Mum and how uses up so much time (yet he claims that’s e being nosey and getting involved – I had to be there for my Mum!).My Mum is disgusted with how abusive I got (even though I didn’t sear, well I never do etc, but I admit calling him a tart we harsh). I feel she just supports him, she tells me things like how he feels unwelcome coming to our home because of me. She never wants to resolve things and slips comments to him about what I say and manipulates it. He brainwashes her with the idea that I don’t want the two of them to be together???? He doesn’t even know me anymore.I told my Grandparents how I felt and they understood and approached my farther yet he brain washed them expressing how I allegedly attempted to stir up trouble between them.I find it hard to escape this tragedy I’m so hurt and I don’t feel it’s wrong to express how I feel after two years, I have been so simple and easy going (I feel).My Mum wont resolve things she thinks I don’t want her and my Dad to be together - I’m sick of my father, he gave her that idea. I can’t consult with anyone else in the family as I get accused of ‘stirring trouble’ I don’t know anyone in my town (it’s not a nice place), I got to a fee paying school that is rubbish other than from an academic perspective and therefore gives no social benefit, I can’t get any support there as people/friends don’t know me or don’t understand. People are so socially bad, they mock me for being polite and respectful to them (but that’s a different story).My parents think I’m arrogant, rude to talk out like this and think I’m spoilt and don’t appreciate anything they provide. I don’t care if I went to the worst school ever and had a cardboard box to sleep on, I don’t care about money I just care about who I’m with (family).I feel so stuck, I just want to escape, I’ve told my Mum I will leave home on Saturday if nothing changes, but there’s no where to go. My life is no way near bad as so many in the world, but I can’t withstand anymore stress like I experience, I just want to escape or at least resolve things with my mother.I can not just remember the good things at times with my Dad; he has pushed the limit with me! Am I wring to feel this way? Any help available I would much appreciate.Many Thanks
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affair, divorce, money, moved in, moved out, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
You sound to me a very grown up young man and all this should not be on your shoulders, You have done so very much to support your family and Im sorry if this comes across rude as in no way is it meant, But sometimes parents can act like children when there is a crisis in there lives and can forget of the childs feelings and emotions..Hunny you are not to blame in anyway im sending you some links that I hope will help.
http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/divorce.html
http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/child/teens-rollercoaster.htm
If you need a chat at anytime please message me WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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