A
female
age
30-35,
*tarlite
writes:I am 14 years old, and am really protected by my parents. As I am 14 I feel as I am growing up as a person and feel that I could handle teenage stuff like getting a boyfriend. I currently have got feelings for this boy but as hard as I try to ignore them they just keep on coming back (it does not help I have to sit next to him) Anyway it's my mum I have to get through. I am not even allowed to go out. I can only go out to school and straight back again. For example of how tough my mum is I got shouted at because I watched the film "p.s I love you" at school. She says I am too young to get a boyfriend or even have feelings, yet she got her first bf at 11! Please help these feelings are crazy! Please help me get rid of them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Well I'm 15 So if I were you this is what I would do... tell your mom how you feel... that you are at the age where you wanna have a boyfriend and that your a good kid and she should trust you cause I mean it's not like you are out having sex and or etc. Try asking her if you can go to the movies and she can tag along and sit a few rows behide you. Then do that for a bit and after so long she will let you go by yourself when she see you can handle yourself. But when you mom goes with you only hold hands with the boy that way she don't know. wait till your by yourself before you start kissing him or till shes not looking ps make sure she is not looking. She will get very made if she sees that! Good luck =)
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Unfortunately you are in a very difficult position right now and with both of your parents slightly dependent on your due to their disabilities it really isn't an easy time for you. You are having a heck of a lot of responsibility being put on your shoulders and that is just unfair I guess as your situation is not the norm.
I do think however that the suggestions that Keithquine has made are very valid and well thought out possibilities for you. Your cousin going off the rails is not actually helping your situation and your mum is being overly cautious with you.
I think that in a very calm and collected way you have to convey to your parents that whilst you love them dearly and never complain about the things you have to do for them at home you also need some time for you and you wish that there was a way in which this could be possible.
I know there are a lot more children helping out disabled parents than is publicised and I realise that you do it out of love and unfortunately a no win situation which cannot be easy for someone who is still so young. What I don't want to see is that it gets to the point of resentment for you and that will only sour your relationship with your parents.
They must have some sort of support factor for when you are not at home i.e. at school so I think they need to be made aware of the huge responsibility you have to undertake every day as it will only continue to drain you and if you can never get a day off so to speak it will cause friction in the long run.
Your parents are far from ignorant to your plight and I think that a sit down chat with them needs to happen in order that they can see where you are coming from and also releasing the reigns a little even for you to go out with friends for the evening on a weekend. Pre arranged maybe with another parent so you can get some down time as all work and no play is just not right. I realise they want to protect you but I am sure you have a best friend at school and whose parents are aware of what you have to cope with. Maybe they could reassure your parents that they would take you and pick you up from somewhere, once your parents realise there is another responsible adult looking out for you then maybe things will improve for you.
I am not saying that this will definitely include a boyfriend but it could be a start for you to gain their trust and for them to see how responsible you can be.
Keep us posted OK.
Wish you luck and send you lots of love. Keep smiling sweetheart things will get better but I think it is a case of working things through rationally and calmly.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, Starlite +, writes (30 January 2009):
Starlite is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I am not allowed to go out exept for school. I have just my parents, I have no one else to talk to, no siblings, no contact with other family members. I do help out at home as my parents are slightly dependant on me cause they are both disabled. I think my mum is worried because my other female cousin (now 17) went a bit mental at my age and started sleeping around and got kicked out of school age 15. But mum knows I am not a bit like that I am sensibal. I just don't know what to do.
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A
female
reader, Keithquine +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Hey. I've only just turned 15 so I'm the same sort of age group as you..
My friend was in the same situation as you are now - her parents were very controlling. The thing to remember is though, that they really do care about you! It's hard to see but for example, with the boy - your mum might have been through something she maybe hasn't told you about. She may have gotten hurt by that boyfriend she had at 11 and is possibly trying to shield you from the hurt/embarresment (?) she went through? Maybe you should ask her what it was like to have a boyfriend at that age and why you're not allowed one..?
You can't just get rid of the feelings you have for this boy, but if possible try not to go behind your parent's backs because it won't help anything - just create a void and lack of trust between you and them.
What I would do in your situation is sit down with them and have a serious chat about this.
Tell them:
1. How you feel about the control factor
2. How it is making you feel and the resent it's creating between you and your parents
3. Your suggestions as to how to improve things.
Try to keep calm though as getting annoyed, argueing and shouting at them or storming off will only reinforce their views that you are not old enough or mature/responsible enough to deal with the stress of a relationship.
Laura
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (29 January 2009):
Unfortunately sweetheart you cannot just make these feelings go away it is part of growing up.
Your mum is possibly very frightened for you with so much awful things you hear on the news and I think parents have become so much more protective of their children these days compared to when she was your age or younger.
Are you allowed to go out with your girlfriends to the cinema etc or parties?
Do you have both your parents at home? I just wonder if there is someone else you can talk to instead of just your mum?
Why not think of ways to show your mum that you are a responsible teenager i.e. going out and being back on time when she says so? Do you help around the house to do small chores etc? If she can see that you can be trusted she may be a little less stringent on the rules.
I don't know if your mum ever had a bad experience at your age or anything but I would see if there is any way in which you can find out without upsetting her. She may be reluctant to tell you and she may fear that you could wind up being a pregnant teenager, it is a fear that all parents go through so she is not alone believe me.
Keep us posted OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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