A
female
age
36-40,
*osie1
writes:I wonder if anyone can offer me some advice?...i found out 15 months ago that my mum is in early stages of alzheimers, she is only 60 so as you can imagine it came as a massive blow to all the family.Myself and my brothers and sister have all moved out of home and most of us live out of the area so she lives alone with her long term parner. We try and visit as much as possible but obviously it all depends on time and money.Her partner is very good with her, very patient and very caring, however he always talks like he can't cope with it anymore. When he speaks like this I get the impression he wants to leave. He keeps saying how she is getting worse and that she will eventually have to go into residential care. Can I just repeat that she is in early stages of the disease - its obvious she has the disease but in my opinion she still has a long way to go - although she slurrs her words she is still able to communicate, she still remembers things, the main things she forgets is short term things like what she had for breakfast in the morning but thats not all the time. Put it this way you can still have a conversation with her.At the moment my mum has 6 weeks at home, then 2 weeks in respite care. Whilst at home she has carers coming in every morning to bathe and dress her. She also goes to a day centre once a week. I think this is a big help, however the last couple of times she has been in respite she has apparently been really unhappy there and wanted to come home. Her partner has asked if they can reduce it to 4 weeks at home and 1 week in care but they have said no and when they disagree with him he storms out of the home in frustration. Following that he now keeps going on that the care home isn't suitable for her needs and that she would be better off spending her respite care in a nursing home...im not too sure what difference it would make? Plus they dont have that much money. Anyway what im really wondering if there is anybody that has been through anything similar, does anyone have any ideas of what my mum would be entitled to or if there is anything that could be offered other than what she is getting.Im debating on asking my boyfriend if he would consider moving so we can be closer but it would mean we would both have to find new jobs which might prove difficult with the economy the way it is. I guess I dont really know what to do anymore - I dont have any more ideas or suggestions hence why I am writing on here so if anyone at all can offer me some help I would be ever so thankful and extremely grateful!!!
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female
reader, josie1 +, writes (16 September 2009):
josie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to those who have answerd my question...Im just racking my brains at the moment for any ideas as I dont want my mum to miss out on anything she may be entitled to.
And to the 17 year old who answered. You sound like an inspiration!! Reading your answer made me realise that Im not the only one in this situation. Unfortunalty you appear to be anonymous so if you could send me your contact dtails I would love to emaiil you further regarding this subject. And also you sound like the perfect candidate to be starting a health and social care course. I completed the same course a few years ago so if you have any questions about it then just ask, I would be happy to help. Hope to hear back from you again at some point and thanks again to all who have responded it really means a lot.
A
female
reader, josie1 +, writes (16 September 2009):
josie1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you sooo much for your answers, Im just racking my brains at the moment for any ideas that might help as I dont want my mum to miss out on anything she may be entitled to.
To the 17 year old who replied to my message - you sound like such an inspiration! I would love to talk to you more and maybe discuss the matter with you further. If you could maybe send me your email address or something that would be great. And also you sound like the perfect person to be doing a health and social care course. I completed the same course a few years ago so if you need any help with it just ask.
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A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Hi. Aging is something we will all have to deal with if we live. I wish you well with your problem. Like you, my mom had
problems as she got older. She was bi-polar. You don't live in the states, but you might want to contact a social services
department in the city where your mother lives. There might be a nursing service which would send someone out at least three days a week to check on her. That's what we did for my mother, like you, all the children were in other areas. But call around, hospitals may have some information on services that are available for older people. Good luck and God bless.
Stay in touch.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): sometimes they say that you have to be cruel to be kind, but any sort of home is the last resort in my opinion, i know thats my opinion and others may feel different but nobody, alzheimers or not, wants to be in a home, her partner may not be coping, it will break his heart to see her going through this? right? i may be wrong, but my nanna has been sufferent from alzheimers for a while now, shes not bad just yet, but im waiting for the day when she does need full 24/7 care, i get her up, breakfast, washed dressed, then go to college, theres waayy too many things to list which needs doing. im only 17 and i currently live with her, looking after her pretty much full time, though in the past few weeks ive started college doing a health and social course and working with dementia cases etc.. so she has a friend who nips in every day to check her, make her a cup of tea and have a chat with her, and i know one day its going to get really hard, but like your mum has brought you up, me and my mum clashed too much and i was brought up by my nanna, pretty much. shes looked after me for id say 14 years of my life on and off so i ow tat to her at least, id never see her in a nursing home, its the last thing she'd want and i understand patients and time, is all she needs other than love.
sorry, back to your question, im sorry if i dont help, but alzheimers is memory loss, which means she will need all the routine she can possibly have, its like bringing up a child all over again, so maybe moving in with your mum again would be abit difficult? but could she stay with you? or one of your brothers or sister? or like you said at least move coser to her? memory is the biggest, main part of dementia of any sort, so like i say routine is very very important, stability and reasurrance is important, i know im just a child and im sorry if ive not helped at all, but if theres anything you need to talk about, need understanding with, i do understand myself, and feel free to write back and ill message you with pleasure,
you seem like a daughter and im sure your mum will apprieciate it, but theres soooo much help out there when you know where to luck! good luck you and your family xxxx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Sorry I don't have any direct experience that can help you. I've found a set of links for you, if you haven't explored it yet, it might be of some use to you:
http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/goingintocare/Pages/Goingintocarehome.aspx
http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/Pages/Guidetocaringhome.aspx
Good luck to you and your family. You sound like a very caring and concerned daughter and I hope you get the support you need to cope with this too.
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