A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a major problem that I hope someone can help me with! Its driving me crazy. I have the hots for someone I cant have! He's one of my good friends and my ex's friend and for complicated reasons, I know I cant have him and even if I could I doubt he'd want me.God I just think about him all the time and I'm not going to do anything about my feelings at all, but I'm just wondering is there something I can do to stop feeling this way for him? Its like torture. I always seem to want what I cant have and its getting ridiculous. Please help, I think I'm literally about to go crazy :( X
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, gwrox +, writes (16 September 2009):
 you can either get over him, or get with him!
just b/c he is your ex's friend and a mate doesnt mean you cant date him!
you might risk ruining a happy friendship, but if not, or if he feels the same a bout yu you 2 could be happy together!
its your choice!
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 September 2009):
 This is a difficult one. You need to work out what you are feeling.
I think it depends how long you have known this guy, and what you actually feel for him. Is it lust? You think he is sexy, and want him, but you cant have him which makes him even more attractive. Is it a crush? Your feelings are deeper and you want a relationship with him. Is it love? Well... this one depends on time and mutual attraction and togetherness.
Is it just that you cant have him that is making you feel so crazy about him? If you actually had a relationship with him, would you feel the same, or would the sense of urgency be gone, because there was no longer a chase to it? You need to sit down, and work out exactly why you feel these things. Has he given you any signals to suggest he likes you the same way? If not, then I think you need to back off a bit.
You need to distance yourself from this man, go out, meet other guys, talk to them. Find other things to do and try and distract yourself from him.
However, I am only too painfully aware that this is easier said than done. I myself have been in love with someone for a very long time, and it is a love that has grown over the years rather than fading. I know it isnt just sexual attraction, lust or the thrill of the chase, or the fact that we cannot be together at the moment. It goes far far deeper. I know how difficult it is to get them out of your head, when you love them. But sadly at the moment, things are not happening due to uncontrollable circumstances, so I have to get him out of my head, otherwise it would send me round the bend.
You just have to focus on other things. Work, friends, hobbies, other guys. It takes time, and there are days when it can be difficult, but you will get through this.
Good luck.
...............................
|
