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writes: Dear Cupid,I want to stay away from my family but my family members want to stick with me and don't want to let go of me. I am 22 yrs of age and all my childhood, i had experienced stressful family environment with parents always fighting with each other. I belong to eastern culture that is more family oriented. The problems went to an extreme of domestic violence with my mom at the receiving end. My mother wanted to leave and they would have divorced long time before if it was not for their children (me and my bro.) being quite young. I hated all this as a child and made all my efforts to see that when i grow up, i move away from my family and live on my own. And so was what i did. Now i stay away from my family and am able to find peace with myself and don't want to change it. But my parents try to get hold me so that they can again be a part of my life and stay with me. They have seen me happy when i invited them once at my place and my dad even proposed me of them staying with me. When i said it was not possible, they felt bad and started inducing guilt that i was selfish. I did try to be supportive to them as much as possible from distance but they won't appreciate that. I have a fear that they want to enter back in to my life and destroy all my peace and happiness for which i have worked so hard. They still aren't having a very good relationship with each other. It's like when you are in a trench, you want to pull other people who are close to you in to it. Even my brother tried to do the same to me several times. I have started to hate them for all their moves and keep distance from them. There is bitterness in our relationship now which wasn't there before and i don't see a way to cure it. Any advice would be helpful.
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reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (14 September 2005):
 It is obvious that your parents love you (though you dont think they do) I do see however, that for some reason they look at you as their life raft. To them you are their rescue from each other and themselves. That can be stressful and alot to ask from a son. Moving away from what caused you saddness and promising a new life for yourself was a good initial step. However, I think that running away from your problems wont get you far. You really need to tell your parents EXACTLY how they make you feel. I would start the conversation like "you two are my parents and i need to talk to you about something that has been on my mind since I was a boy..." make sure that this conversation is taken seriously. If talking doesnt work, ask if they are up for counceling. If that doesnt work either, then unfortunately, they dont want to really change. But at least you can say you tried.
I want you to give this all a try because though, regardless of what happened they are still ypur parents. You dont want to have any regrets if something would happen. Just as long as you realized that, when it comes time to start your own family it would be different from what you experienced, then your definietly off to a good start.
dee =)
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reader, pops +, writes (11 September 2005):
Being from a different culture, your parents may resist getting marriage counseling. But you need to try, for their sakes and yours. They should have been in counseling years ago. Its never to late to get help. The fact that this has gone on so long has soured your relationship with them,, and their relationship with you. That is inexcusable, and bad enough. Don't let it continue. If they won't go to a counselor, see one yourself. He can help you deal with these long standing family problems, so that you can help your brother deal with the situation better than you have. Good Luck.
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