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female
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*sername
writes: I am the youngest adult child of a single parent. We have a wonderfulrelationship; I'm sure I talk to her everyday and we spend many weekends at the eldest daughter's house with her family. However, I get the idea that my mother is VERY lonely and borderline depressed. In the last year, she's lost her sister, her next door neighbor of twenty years,her next door neighbor's daughter, and after a few years of battling with manic-depression, her boyfriend of 25 years died of heart complications. Recently, her aging (ungrateful) mother has come to live with her. They say that three back-to-back traumatic events is enough to completely break someone and I know that my mother is reaching the breaking point. She's not an extrememly social person, she's in bed by 9 pm every night and rarely spends time with anyone other than herthree children and gradnchildren. That's not to say that she has a hard time meting people: she has the infectious Leo personality. She's magnanimous, has a wonderful sense of humor, she's very intelligent, has strong values, and doesn't have a problem meeting/talking to people. People are naturally drawn to her.I think that she's struggling with the empty nest syndrome: I'm the youngest at 30, my brother is 37 and my sister 41. Our lives no longer revolve around her as the matriarch anymore. I want my mother to havea fuller life. She is 62 years old, is in fantastic shape and doesn't look a day over 40. I would love for her to meet someone, but that isn't in and of itself the goal. How do adult single parents make friends? What do they do with their time?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): I am struggling with the same issue. Four years ago, my parents separated after 40 years of marriage. Since that time my mom her best friend and two brothers have died. Her mom, while active and healthy, will be 98 this year and lives 1000 miles away. My mom is depressed, lonely and as she says "needs a buddy". She does however try to stay very active--she joined a local senior bowling league, she has membership at the Y, and she works/volunteers with AARP. AARP is a great resource--maybe your mom could connect with them. I just wish I knew how to find my mom a "buddy" not a romantic interest (after my dad she's kind of through). Just someone to go shopping with, go on trips with etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): How bout this for a Christmas present: my grandmother told my mom last night that my mom was really my grandmother's sister's child. My mother was the fifth child and my gmom's sister couldn't/didn't want to care for another child. It was her plan to give birth and leave her at the hospital. My gmom, couldn't let this happen and brought her home and raised her. So, my mom was dealt a HUGE blow which I'm sure is rocking her world even more. And all this time we thought my mom was an only child. No aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. The ironic part is that my mother is way better off then her "siblings".My mom is a martyr. She didn't do it intentionally of course, she was just a newborn. But because if this situation, we all lived a wonderful upper middle class life in a beautiful single family home in an affluent Chicago neighborhood. I know she's hurt beyond belief, but we're all better people.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (26 December 2006):
 Encourage your mother to get a hobby or join a charity to keep busy. Dont suggest it out of charity for her, I am a Leo and we like nothing more than to feel helpful to others.
Find out about local groups that need volunteers and mention to her, suggesting that there are not enough people caring. Being children, animals, cancer research, heart foundation, homeless, you know what is closer to her heart.
Whilst something like this will keep her busy, giving her a new purpose in life, it will also give her the change to meet new people. The rest will follow naturally.
Good luck and a hug to you for caring.
xxx
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