A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My mum is having an affair - I dont know what to do.I'm 18 - Not a wee girl anymore, I love my parents truely and when my mum actually admitted wht was happening when i confronted her about it on the phone, I burst into tears, I got myself in such a panick that I couldnt breathe when I was walking, my bf had to tell me to breathe slowly ... anways, this isnt about me.My mum is constantly texting on her phone, fair enough she does have a contract phone and she has unlimited texts, so by all means text away mum! but, I thought I would glance over and see who she was texting, I seen it was someone called Malky who my sister confirmed with me when I told her (shes 15)My mum told me she is now looking for a place to stay... My sister said that she is going to tell my dad, I told her not to, til we know for sure that this is happening, she said okay. But I feel terrible for my dad, I think he knows deep down she is, but he refuses to know the truth like I did, i was happy when it was that way, it was jst me being paranoid but now, Knowing the truth is hurtful, and I dont want me dad to take her to work, make her dinners for her and to do everything for her when she is doing this to him. This guy who my mum is seeing, is divorced and doesnt know she is married. My mum said she is unhappy with my dad, I dont know wht has happened with them in the past, they have been married for 20 years and they have has their share fair of arguments, But is there any need for an affair, why dont they jst split?!I said to mum tht when she leaves her mobile sitting around, Im gonna phone him and tell him how much I hate the man and that he is all the scum in the world,. But get this, He is a criminal and is constantly in jail, wht is my mum gettin herself into?!wht should I do? do we tell our dad?the thing that upsets me the most is that she lied, she said she was going to a meeting to me and my sister then going out after it with people in her work, I texted her asking when is she coming home, and she texted back to tell me that she is with him but the thing that I hate the most is that she borrowed MY clothes .. and for what?! for HIM!!!!!Its mothers day on sunday and if im being honest, I dont want to buy her anything at all, Me and my sister havent properly spoken to her in three days now, and it horrible we were like best friends, all laughing and joking and talking, but these three days have been terrible. I cant buy her something when I feel so angry at her.he burnt her cd's which are next to her bed, I want to snap them, But I cant help thinkin that im being immature :S but then again, isnt she? and shes 20 years my senior!!!!!please get back to me, the only people I have spoken to about this is my sister and b/f I cant speak to my friends, I dont want them to judge Id rather keep this problem within my house, but you guys dont know me, so can you plaese help me.to make matters worse, my sister has a music exam this friday and I have an exam, and I swear to god if either of us fail due to this shit that been created I will hit the rooth.
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affair, best friend, divorce, immature, in jail, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): Best to stay out of it then, I don't think telling your dad is a good idea at all, it is a pity that you got mixed up in this but you shouldn't get involved at all, at least if things go sour you will know for certain that you did nothing to facilitate it.
It's very easy for someone that is not in your situation to advise you tell him (that is the standard "right thing" to do) but it seems to be impractical in your circumstances. The fact that you've been living with this situation for a couple weeks now and you haven't told him tells me that your gut says not to, trust your gut.
You should talk to your mom about this and tell her how you feel about the situation, but if you're as close as you say then you shouldn't make any demands she'll do the right thing if she knows how badly this is effecting you and your sis.
Above all remember, don't blame yourself for anything that you do in this, whether you do or don't tell your dad, none of this is your fault it's a shitty situation for you to have to deal with and you shouldn't have been put in this predicament in the first place.
Oh yeah, if your mom wasn't careful enough even to keep it a secret from both you and your sis, chances are your dad already knows something.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would, put at the end of the day my mum and I have always had a very close relationship, she said to me and my sister once that she couldnt imgaine having sons and she loves having two girls as its like having another two best friends .. which made me smile .. I want to tell my dad but say i push my mum away by doing this?
I dont want to be involved but i am...
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): i would tell my dad at the end of the day she is wrong and your dad is a star he deserves to know if his wife is cheating and let them deal with it, dont involve yourself but simply state the truth its what i woudl do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): your mom is disrespecting your dad and her marriage. i think she also have any repect for herself. please tell your dad so that he can make a clean break from her. your mom is going to destroy all of you just so that she have her sex on the side. put a stop to her influencing your lives negatively. how/ simply tell dad and let him deal with her. this is the only way she can be "controlled" because right now she is out of control.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Whatever you feel, do not blame the man your mother is seeing... he is as duped into this as you are, if you are correct in saying he doesn't know she's married.
It is up to your dad and mum to sort this out, and I think you should leave it. Your job will come when the shit hits the fan and you have comfort at least ONE of them emotionally.
Tell your mother you will not keep her secrets for her, but will not tell your father, and nor will you deny it is happening if he ever asks. You will simply be abstaining from getting involved with the sad situation.
Tell her you have lost all respect you should have for a mother. Tell her you realise she is unhappy and whatever it is she doesn't find in her marriage, she has somehow found in the arms of another man. It's the oldest story in the book.
But your father has not done anything to deserve being betrayed and hurt in this manner. Tell her that. Tell her that, whilst it doesn't seem like it at the moment, she is also hurting the man she is seeing on the side because she is lying to him too.
And the longer a lie of this magnitude is allowed to exist... the more ain it will cause when the truth finally chooses to obliterate it. And the greater the amount of pieces there will be to pick up and mend.
Thats all you can do. Voice yourself to your mother and let her know that you still love her... just not what she is doing.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): I think you need to sit down and have a long serious chat with your mom. You need to discuss all these things with her and she needs to be completely open honest with you about what is happening and what she plans to do. You must let her know how much both you and your sis know, and all the things you both feel like doing.
She is your mom above all and if she knows how much it is hurting you and your sis then she'll take steps to ease your minds.
I have to say though that your parents are both adults and it is for them to sort out, the worst thing that happened here, is that you and your sis got mixed up in it.
Perhaps your dad does know but would rather not have to face it or something.
Simply put your mom has sort this out in some way that eases your minds and hurts your dad in the least way possible, remember she's not doing this to hurt you or your sis, I don't think blackmailing her into telling your dad is the best way to go about this. I think you deserve a good explanation for this from her, just try not to freak out when you talk about it.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (18 March 2009):
 What i would do is confront my mum and tell her if she doesnt tell her husband whats going on then you will. This is unfair on you and your sister you should have to worry about your parents problems.
Its more then likely that your dad knows and is just trying to carry on as normal for you and your sister, or maybe he hopes that your mum will come to her sense's.
Its a tricky situation to be in and one that you should not have to be in.
Talk to your mum and if she is not going to tell your dad then maybe its best that you do.
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