A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 16 years old. When I was born, my mother was 16. She was an abusive parent since I was about two. I can remember being thrown against walls, having glass thrown at me, and being beaten with a stick. I also remember her drinking alcohol and giving lap dances to strange men in the living room.I moved out when I was 14 for a few months and lived with a friend of the family to go to a better school. Near the end of my time with them, my mother came to visit and began the abuse again. They kicked me out because they were expecting a baby and I was forced to live with my mother again. She has, since then, increased the amount of abuse she puts on me. She threatens to hurt me, to send me back to Ridgefield (the place my dad died, the place I was raped and the place that the kids threatened to tie me up and throw me in a river).she has been verbally ridiculing me and coming so close to hitting me that I hide in my closet until she leaves for the bar.I've gotten so paranoid over the years that if you lift your hand up around me I cower like a dog. I have involved CPS on this many times. They say that now that I can defend myself against her, they won't take me away from her. The only food in this house, now, is frozen bread, expired mayonaisse and stale cup-a-noodle.I have two great friends and an amazing fiance of three years. Yes, I am engaged at 16. Get over it.My question here is this:What should I do?
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female
reader, kissxmexagainx +, writes (9 March 2009):
 I cried reading your post because it reminded me so much of what I have gone through. you need to get out of there. The best option is to move in with a friend or your fiancee [if that is possible, I don't know how old he is]
there is no reason for certain people on here to be so rude. I know what it's like in your situation. it's hard to get a decent job at 16, && the way the economy is it's hard to get one at all. I think it's amazing that you have made it this long. && you may not be a helpless child, but you should be protected because this is your mother who is supposed to care for you. I mean, my god! this isn't your fault && what some people [martini/hugmeimdirty] are saying is making it seem so easy. it's not trust me. run if you need to but find somewhere where you can go. hell, if I knew where you lived I'd say come live with me. I've been there hun && the only thing you can do is to get out any way you can. message me if you want further help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): I have to agree with Martini. You can either stick around and have the crap beaten out of you or you can get your own job, move you and live independantly.
At your age, you're not a child anymore. You're old enough to do something about it now. Get a place with your fiance. If you're planning on marrying him then you're gonna have to do that at some point anyway.
You're not a helpless child that needs protecting anymore. You're a young woman and if you think you're mature to commit to someone for the rest of your life then you must be mature enough to realise what you need to do. It's time to make some changes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Christ Martini get that stick out of your ass! She knows all too well how the world works, how cruel it is. You are only fueling that knowledge. Apparently, you cannot grasp the fact that she has already gone to the police. She explained in her post that as she is old enough now to defend herself, they have no justification to remove her. More than likely, her pleas at a younger age were also neglected. Unfortunately, Martini, the police are not the answer to child abuse prayers. I know in your limited knowledge-base they are, but in reality, they could not give a fuck. As our poster, myself, and countless others have come to find time and time again.As for your comment about how she cannot manage to take care of herself - how do you think she has survived? From the sounds of it, she has taken care of herself far more than any child her age should. More than likely, far more than you have as well by comparison.Do everyone a favor and before you post such cold and obvious advice, put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you would not be so blatantly cruel.I wish you the best, sweetheart. I agree with Cathay regarding you moving in with your fiance. Though you are terribly young, that would be best as it appears he has been good to you. Please continue with your schooling if you are able to do so and also consider college. I had similar experiences to you and am now one year away from a bachelor's degree in Business Administration with a concentration in accounting. Please do what is best for you and your future. :)
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A
female
reader, catt17 +, writes (9 March 2009):
Martini,Thats a little too harsh...I came from a similiar situation and it isnt always as black or white as you are making it seem. I called the police several times on my parents and they did NOTHING!!!Social services doesnt want to do crap either unless she wants to go to foster care until shes 18 or live in a group home...Yes, Ive been there and it sucks!!! Teenagers are treated like they are the problem because the system does not know what to do with them!!! And Im sorry but while you are being brutally honest, be brutally honest with yourself, where is a 16 year old going to get a place of her own and what kind of job is a 16 year old going to get that she can support herself on!!! You must honestly forget what its like to be 16...???Yes maybe she thinks she is in love right now, but you seem to be treating her like she is the problem rather than a victim...Maybe her need to feel loved has everything to do with the lack of love her mother has shown her...Honestly, the stupidity that comes outa peoples mouths! You obviously have never had the one person that is supposed to care for you treat you so poorly. If we dont learn love from our parents idiot, then where do you learn it? Anyway,to the question asker, you are in a very tough situation...I would definetly keep calling the police...Even if you are old enough to defend yourself, you can press charges against your mother if it continues...I know, then you will have nowhere to go.Right? Make some phone calls, call battered woman shelters, or call crisis hotlines and ask them what you should do...I myself would go to the family courts and see if they can help you..If they find your situation a bad one, they just may make your mother pay support towards you to live in another place.(even at a friends house, she would have to give their parents support) Parents are responsible for supporting their kids until you are 18+.I know that if your mother has to help pay your way, it will make it all the easier for you to find a suitable job to care for yourself.If you call the police enough and go to family court, it will prove that your situation is unfit.Best of luck to you dear...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): And I've hit a nerve didn't I?
My 'smart ass' remarks are meant to smack some common sense into that tiny brain of yours. Did you NOT read, "Move out on your own, get a job, pay for you own stuff." It's pretty simple. If you can't even do that, how can you expect to get married?
You had two major choices:
1) Stick with an abusive mom which apparently the police doesn't do anything about.
2) Move out on your own, get a job, pay for you own stuff.
So which part of my 'smart ass' remark didn't reach your brain?
[sigh]
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A
female
reader, cathay +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Get out of that house before its too late. does your fiance respect you? does he understand what is happening with you. ?????if the answer is yes go on move in with him. Please honey i urge you before its too late. try and make your life straight and one day she will come back to you begging for help. But if you can. try and not have a kid before a steady job. no i dont mean working at walgreens i mean a proper career. Then have a kid... and not at 16.
By the way how old is the guy anyway????
Love cathy...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Martini-
I have reported this abuse to the police.
They have failed to do anything about it.
Your smartass remarks aren't great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Well, if you're engaged at 16, it means you're supposedly more mature and well-defined in how to live in the world right? So the obvious answer is....................
Can you guess?
Come on, you're going to get married in the near future. You must already know how the world works, if not, for your own sake?
[sigh]
What should you do?
Move out on your own, get a job, pay for you own stuff. Since for some uncanny reason, you did not report this to the police and allowed this crap to happen to you over the years. It's amazing you're engaged yet you can't even take care of yourself.
Good job.
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