A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story short.....my mother in law had an affair with a married man when my husband was still little with a married man with kids, they both left their spouses to be together. she told my husband she's in a unhappy marriage with his step Dad and she wanted him to be there for her whenever she needed a man to cry on. After we got married she gets very bossy around me and she keeps reminding me that she's always going to be the most importand woman in her son's life which it was cute at first and then it gets old quickly. She expect my husband to be there when she's not happy to hug her and tell her that everything is ok. MIL second husband cheated on her with another woman and now she's so depressed for love that she focus on my husband to fulfilled that spot which led her to bullying me and be bossy around me. We are married for 4 years now and this woman have not changed....she is selfish and only think about herself, she don't care about our kids cause her main focus is my husband all the time.....is this normal? I'm a mother myself but I just can't think of me being so attached like that to my son after he's grown and married with kids.....she acted like a jealous lover not a mother to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2014): Your husband needs to create more space and actually needs to put his foot down and say "my wife and children are my priority right now"
If he won't, then you can't change her because you will become more in her view someone to fight against. If your husband enforces some boundaries she might start to respect them. Her behaviour is really quite unusual, she does sound like a jealous child, or ex, rather than a mother.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2014): The relationship between your husband & his mother you describe does sound a bit unusual & maybe unhealthy.
I don't know if this will help, but I think you need to have a talk with your husband about your feelings. Focus on how his time is spent with his mother instead of his own family, and how it makes you feel bullied and put-upon by her, and neglected by him.
Unfortunately, nothing will change with his mom unless he makes it so. She will not listen to you, if he just keeps running to help her at her beck and call, and it would just not be appropriate for you to get into that with her. See if you can convince him to start saying no to her when he needs to be around for you & the kids. He will have to be the one to limit the time he spends with her and set new boundaries.
Also, you may try to recommend a good therapist to her. This could help with the emotions she has about her 2nd husband and to find out why she keeps getting into bad relationships. Maybe even offer to help pay for a few sessions, so she has another person she can talk with besides her son all the time.
Best of luck!
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