A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have always had a good relationship with my parents, even though they are seperated. My dad lives in a huge country house with his new wife and my mum did very well in the divorce and got a very nice peoperty in an affluent area and some cash. My dad also owns some commercial propery worth a couple of million, which he rents out.I work full time for a bank, and have been for 5 years. I have been renting a room in a house for 4 years and have been happy. All my friends lived at home but now have their own little apartments, with help from their parents or they lived at home rent free so they could save a deposit.The house i am in has been sold so i needed to find somewhere new to live. The rents had gone up a lot and my mother said it would be a waste of money renting a room when i could have a mortgage on my own little place for the same price.I spoke to my dad for help with a deposit and he said he didn't have any spare money ( even though his father helped him when he met my mother).Anyway me and mum found a little apartment for me and it was perfect. I could not get it by myself as due to the credit crunch in England now, you need a big deposit for a property.My mum put an offer in for the property without me knowing and it was accepted, she told me on my birthday. She said i can live there and pay the mortgage and when i earn more i can take over the payments in 5 years or whatever. She said if parents can, they should help their children.I was so happy as the mortgage payments actually worked out cheaper per month than what i was paying for a room.I was all ready to move when my mum had an argument with the estate agent. They kept sending the wrong letters to her solicitor so my mum said she could not do business with people like that so she pulled out of the sale.I was upset as it wasn't anything to do with me and she went on holiday the next week for 1 month and figured she would cool down and we can look for another little place when she got back.In the meantime, i had to move into a horrible room in a house as it was all i could aford for now as rent prices have gotten so high. I had to sell my Iguana as no place would let me have pets.Mum got back last week and she was texting to say she had a nice time. Last night i sent her a message and i asked if we could look at another house.She replied that she has found a house near to where she lives ( it's 2 hours from me in an affluent area) and she is going to rent that out as she can get more money for rent.I asked what about me though as originally we were going to do this so i would have a place like my friends have, and she replied that she had to think what was best for her.I didn't even reply to her. I just feel so upset and why did she even bother to get my hopes up and then change her mind. I honestly feel like i don't want to speak to her or my dad. They have their beautiful houses and they know where i am. Shall i just leave it for a while? thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): I feel for you, really I do but the current financial climate is making things difficult for everyone. I know you feel let down by your parents but use this as springboard to your future.
First have a look around and see what you can afford to rent whilst you save for a deposit. Have a look at all the mortgage deals on offer at all the major banks and building societies. Have a look at the independent brokers too. See what you can afford to save each month and work out how much you will be able to spend on a house when you start looking.
I saved for the deposit on my house by walking to and from work each day and by making my own meals from scratch. I had no financial support from my parents when I went to university, when I got married, when I moved away, bought my car or when I bought my house.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): Look at this as a good thing - it give you the freedom to take your career wherever you want in the world. You are 22-25, very young. Have a goal t have a place by 30 with your OWN money. Till then, move up the corporate ladder, educate yourself and become well off on your own. Save money as you go and purchase your own little place once your career becomes established. Unfortunately, parents are human, they can be selfish like yours. You'll inherit their property hopefully so in the long run you'll be ok. Just focus on yourself, be alittle self absorbed for a little while focus on your career and building your own wealth.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 How many times are you going to ask this question before you're satisfied with the answers? I believe this is your third post on this topic.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Yes, back off for a while, until emotions cool a little.
Both of your parents are being very hard on you. I do not think your mother was 'on the level' with you. I think the house ended up costing more than she expected and I think maybe it was a finance issue. I do not think your mother told you the full truth about that failed transaction.
For what ever reason neither of your parents wants to help you. And losing your pet like that would have really hurt. I am very sorry for your loss.
The very fact that now your mother is buying a place but is going to rent it out means that her aim is to maximise her own income. And I think part of the money that was going to be spent on the property for you then went on a holiday for your mother.
Both of your parents appear to be selfish and obsessed with their own money.
So time to rise above them. Work out your budget with a view to maximising your savings. The days of buying your lunches are over. Pack lunch every morning when you go to work. Make your own meals. Making a nice Minestrone soup on Saturday morning will keep you in soup for a week and it will taste better than any tinned soup. You can cook a lot of things in a small microwave.
Similarly make a vegetarian spaghetti bolognese sauce - great on pasta, great on toast, great in a lasagne,
great with baked beans added to make a taco salad with lettuce and a little grated cheese. Even good spread across Lebanese flat bread as the start of a pizza. YOu can save yourself thousands by making meals at home and not buying takeaways
If you currently smoke cigarrets then get some patches and find out how much you can save every week by not smoking.
You will be shocked at how much money you can save with so many of these tactics.
Start paying off all your credit card debt aim to be debt free asap
Stop trying to keep up with your friends who have more money than you. Consumer Goods do not define who you are.
If your friends are going away for a week in the sun don't think you are a failure if you choose not t go. If your friends make fun of you tightening your belt financially then they are not true friends.
If you can establish a strong regular savings record then you should eventually be eligible for a Bank loan.
And when you finally do buy your first property do not be a snob about that either. Better that you buy a property you can afford
Live within your means at all times. Not being bothered by people who think it funny that you are now strong enough to say no to people who just want you to spend money.
You do not have to keep up with your friends.
your parents are not interested in helping you.
Well show them by your actions that you can make it on your own and become very successful in the future. By not spending every penny you have now trying to keep up with your friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): They are your parents and it would have been nice if they helped you, however they are not obliged to do anything as you are an adult and have been working.This incident should make you a stronger person and more independant. I would maintain my relationship as they are your parents, however i would work and save and make sure I eventually bought my place.Sometimes a set back in life is good as it makes you grow and develop and not to forget independant.I am not being cold but its a reality check.I have worked hard and not had to depend on anyone, today my success can be attributed to not allowing anyone get to me or make me fail but work hard and stand on my own two feet.Again it would have been nice had your parents helped you, but you can make it on your own, it takes confidence and self dertermination. Always look at those less fortunate and count your blessings for what your have and success will knock on your door.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Sorry to hear you've been through such high hopes and let down by both your parents.
Sorry you lost the pet too, thats awful.
I think both your parents are putting their needs first over you; in a way it is selfish; but you know what they are like so, all you can do is accept that this has happened, and forgive them for what they did to you and to the pet.
I wouldnt bother texting back, its probably a good idea if you buy a house without any input from your mother or father since they seem to be calling all the shots, and thats not fair considering its your business decision to make too! in my eyes a verbal agreement is just as valid as one written down and sealed.
Hope you feel better soon, hugs.
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