A
female
age
41-50,
*onica1015
writes:Okay here is the story. This past two weeks ago my husband and I stayed at my mom's house. My husband and I stayed at my mom's house in one of the bedrooms and my mom stayed on the couch in the living room. We all went out Saturday night and got back around 3am. I woke up at 11am and the first thing my husband tells me is " Hey l think I scared your mom earlier this morning". I asked him why and he said " I went to morning". I asked him why and he said " I went to the living room to see if there were any beers left from the previous night before because I was hungover and your mom woke up and asked me what I was doing there and I told her nothing and then she said I don't want any problems with you" and then he claims he have came back to bed. He said this happened at around 5am and that she probably got mad because he scared her when she saw him. He also said " I think your mom might not want for me to stay here anymore". I told him that he was crazy and that it must have been a misunderstanding. My mom then called me on my cell and told me to go over there that she needed to talk to me. Well my mom who is 43 years old and still an attractive woman told me that she had something to tell me and that she did not know how to tell me what had happened. She then told me that around 5am she was trying to fall asleep on the couch and that she felt cold so she pulled another blanket on top of her. Then all of a sudden she felt someone carress her butt and squeeze them. She told me that when she turned around my husband was kneeling down right next to the couch in front of her and that she screamed because she got scared and asked him what he was doing there? He said nothing and then that is when she told him that she did not want any problems with him. She said she did not make a big scene at the time because she did not want to wake my brother up who was sleeping in the next bedroom and would have probably tried to fight my husband and the whole family would have found out. She said my husband went to the living room again at around 9am and apologized if he scared her but she was on the phone and told him that she would talk to him about it later. When I went back to the room my husband denied her version of the story and still insists that he was by the table looking for the beers that he had left on the table the night before and not in front of the couch like my mom said. One other thing that bothers me is that my mom said that my husband was in his boxers which strikes me as odd because my husband is very particular about that. If he ever leaves the room and he is in his boxers he makes sure to put some shorts or his pants on!!! I do not know what to do!! My mother asked him to move out the house and with good reason if it is true. He was living in my mom's house because I lived in another city and she was helping us out because he did not have to pay her rent. I go to school in another city that is why we live in two different cities in case you are wondering. I go to see my husband and my family every weekend. He has lived there for almost a year and I have been with him almost 10 years and has never done something like this. Oh and this past weekend he admits to have been kneeling at my mom's side but still insists he never touched her butt. Why would someone just go and squeeze someone's butt? When I ask him why did he go and just kneel there all he says is nothing and now he tells me that we can overcome this. If he wasn't guilty what's to overcome. He also had just obtained his green card through me 2 weeks before this happened. I can't help but wonder if the fact that he finally had it made him feel like he could do the crap he did. My heart is broken. I do not know what to do. He has messed up the awesome relationship I had with my mom. My mother said that she is embarrassed with what happened and does not want to talk to him. My husband claims my mom must have gotten really startled when she saw him in the living room by the table and maybe she thought someone touched her. My mom has never lied to me before and my husband is not that type of person (at least I have never known him to be). My husband is the one who messed up and not my mom. If I choose to stay with him it means I will always feel awkward around my mom and my mom already told me she will never visit me if that means she doesn't have to ever see his face again. Should I leave my husband or do you guys think there is a way to resolve this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 July 2010):
 If you do that then you are no better than him. Also, the longer you are with him, the harder it will be to break it off and end it later. What about your family, including your mom, in the mean time?
A
female
reader, Monica1015 +, writes (8 July 2010):
Monica1015 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. What I feel like doing is staying with him a couple of months so that he can help me pay my debts off. If he was trying to use me to get his green card then why can't I use him?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 July 2010):
One thing is for sure, somebody is lying. Deep down, without thinking too hard about it.... which one did you believe at first? The longer you think about it, the more you can convince yourself either way. And judging by your reaction to us, it sounds like you believe your mom over him at least slightly.
There was no reason for him to be kneeling. He's guilty of at least something and he's covering up. As you already know, if you stay with him this will ruin your relationship with your family. You just have to ask yourself, is staying with him worth all of the trouble?
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A
female
reader, May27 +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I feel for you and know that it's tough.
Believe your mother. She has no reason to lie to you and he does. From what you said, you know in your heart of hearts that you can trust her. You are only torn because you WANT to trust him. You love him and you have plans that will be destroyed if you leave him... but that doesn't make him trustworthy.
It's okay. Take a deep breath and try to sort through what is going on. Why did he do it that night instead of when you weren't there? All that should matter is that he did it. However, if you want an answer to help ease your mind I can give you some:
How much does he drink during the week? How much does your mother drink during the week? Was there possibly an "opportunity" for him that night because everyone had been drinking?
Or maybe in his drunken state he misinterpreted something your mom had done or said the night before that made him think that she was interested in him.
Or maybe he has done it before and she hasn't woken up. He'll never admit to it, but it's definitely not far fetched based on what you've said.
I know you want to stay with him, but you should regard this as a blessing for finding out now. I understand that 10 years of your life has been spent with this man, but at least you don't have children. And please don't be offended, but I would never trust him around children.
Should you leave him? I would. In a heartbeat. Your mother will always be there and if the situations were flipped, she would leave the guy and you would expect her to.
You deserve better. You have been working hard and someone worthy of you and your family will come around in due time and it'll all be worth it. It's hard now, but when your emotions settle and you look back, you'll know you did the right thing. Good luck and please keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I read a similar story but the man touched the woman younger sister in her sleep. If your mum wanted too she could press charges against your husband. To me, family always comes first. In this instance, your mum should certainly come first and your husband needs to go. Can you say pervert alert?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): sounds guilty.....especially that his story is changing....
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A
female
reader, Monica1015 +, writes (8 July 2010):
Monica1015 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I met him when he was 20 years old and now he is about to be 30. He never did anything like this and has treated me real good. What happened that Sunday morning is a complete shock to my mother and I. I am torn inside because we were finally going to be able to move on with our life and start a family. I keep on asking myself why? He had lived there a whole year and nothing had ever happened. Why the weekend that I was there? When I ask him what he was just kneeling there for at 5am in the morning all he says is "nothing" or I don't know what happened to me! He still says he didn't touch her. It breaks my heart that he has put me in such an awful situation. How do you choose between your mom and husband? We don't have children and my mom says that now she is glad I waited to have children. I am supposed to start an internship with DHS and he was supposed to provide me with financial support while I did this but if I leave I will lose that. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and that he knows he messed up by kneeling there but that he didn't do it. I love him and it hurts me to let him go but my mom didn't ask for this. All she has ever done is be there for me and she has always been the best mom ever. If I choose my husband my relationship is over with my mom. I don't think I can get over the fact he touched my mom that way! I just don't think this is something that a woman can just get over!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I can't tell you whether or not to leave your husband because thats up to you, but I will tell you that I believe your mother. An I find it extremely fishy that now that he has his green card he's been this mess. his story sounds suspicious, if it were me I would leave but you have to look into your heart and follow your gut instints and make the decision thats best for your family.
Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!
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