A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. Like most couples, we have been up and down. But our main issues are his laziness, selfishness, the fact I have to prompt him to do/help me out in life and the way he deals with my side of the family (which is just my Mum). He seems to count every penny and won't spend especially if he doesn't get anything back. For example, we both drive and as we don't live together yet, we have to travel (a short distance) to meet up. Because I have been driving much longer than he has, since he passed he has been taking me almost everywhere (like I did for him) but on several occasions he has showed, in my opinion, unwillingness, and I think it is because he is mentally calculating how much he gets back for in return for how much he gave. The other issue lies where he doesn't seem to pull his weight into our relationship. He offers to help me out 'too late' and usually after my prompting. An example was when I had a job interview. It was on a day when he was off work and had no plans. He would have been happy to take me there but he didn't offer til I prodded and asked, which by that time, like every other time, I just felt cheeky/rude to ask and then accept it as, in my mind, if he was truly willing, he would have made a move before I prompted. There are many other examples but that was the most recent one I could think of right now.With regards to my Mum, he just has a tendency to give a silent response when my Mum offers dinner with him and his family. Or a joke, which has gotten old, and offensive. I tell him off every time, but it just seems to fall on deaf ears but it never fails to annoy me. I think that if he takes me seriously, he should respect/be polite to my family, like I do with his (although I actually like his, which makes it easier!). He constantly says he loves me and much more than himself but his actions prove different. I am fed up with the attitudes mentioned above but I am indecisive about what to do. Besides those issues, deep down he is a great kind person. My Mum constantly reminds me of his bad parts and says I'm too good for him, which doesn't help. Recently, however, he has said he has decided to change as I told him we will split up otherwise. My feelings toward him have changed though - part of me feels prepared to be alone, but the other part is used to having him around....Is this a temporary emotion or should I leave him? I really really don't want to... Is he using me? Am I using him? Is Mum right to care for me the way she is? I'm very confused. Please help!!!!!!!!!!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): All I have to say is...your Mom is right and you pretty much see what your Mom see in the scumbag because other words your instincts wouldn't be kicking in. Your instincts are telling you the cheap selfish scumbag aint about $hit!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Look, please just stop it with the 'deep down he is a great kind person' and 'besides that, he's perfect'. For Pete's sake. Please! I get fed up listening to women who put up with everything a bozo could throw at them and they still feel compelled to tell us how great a guy he is deep down.
Deep down he is the same as what he is on the surface. Crap. And underneath the crap is more crap. You'd have to be a God damned archaeologist to get to the decent part. How much time do you want to waste digging when you could be out living?
Your mum is right and you already are alone. You have zero to lose and everything to gain by getting rid of him.
And stop telling us, your mum and everyone else how great he is. If he was that great everyone would see it and we wouldn't need to you to point it out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 The REAL message that is available.... and your Mum seems to detect it.... is that this guy is pretty immature... AND 'way too thrifty (putting a money value on things, as you describe it....).... and she sees this as him NOT being a "giving" guy... but a "taking" guy....
Listen plenty to her... she may be on to something....
Good luck...
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