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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi. Im 16 years old and my mum is a controlling, interfering bitch. Everything I achieve for myself, she uses to show me off to her snobby friends, like I'm some kind of perfect child prodigy. I'm allowed to go out, but if I get up to anything I shouldn't do, for example drink too much, I can't let anyone know, as it would damage "her reputation".When I told her I had a boyfriend, who is about 4 years older to me, but doesn't bother me in the slightest, she insisted on calling his parents and meeting him straight away. She disapproved of him and said I can't see him anymore as she can't bear anyone to think that I'm going out with someone out of my age group. I try to get back at her by doing outrageous things to spite her, but it only makes me feel worse, and my mum treat me even harsher. I don't see eye to eye with my mum at the moment, and I'm still not allowed to do anything. What can I do to make it OK again? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, nadine hillside +, writes (28 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
Your mum loves you very much and is very proud of what you accomplish. The reason she shows you off to her friends is because she really thinks your that amazing and because she has only ever told them the good things about you she probably wouldn't want them to think any less of you.
When your mum disapproved of the Guy did she say why? maybe you should sit her down and talk about how you love him and don't care about the age gap and that you won't care up to anything because you really care for eachother.
I know your mum may be annoying and a control freak, but although she might not show it on the outside deep down inside she is only looking out for you and she is trying to keep you safe from the horrible things out in the world.
When you do things to spite her you are only getting yourself in more trouble which isn't good for you or her. so just be yourself and do the good things like you used to and don't worry this is probably just a phase your mum is going through sooner or later she will stop.
Hope everything works out. Goodluck.
Nadine
xXx xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): Your Mother has a big problem...and it's you. Sadly, she does not have your respect. It appears Mom's authority has been greatly undermined. I am guessing that perhaps you have become too overindulged in your life and could attempting to manipulate the situation to your advantage. Here's the truth of the matter. You live in your Mother's home. Someone pays the mortgag/rent...not you. Respect that. Your mother is morally and legally responsible for you, until you leave at 18. It's highly likely she is doing her best for you with what she has to work with. Respect that. Your Mom is human, she will make errors in judgement. Accept that and realize you are not perfect either. Your Mom has done a lot for you and she requires the type of respect that causes you to honor her decisions even though you do not always like them. By calling your own mother a "bitch' tells me, you are a troubled young lady who thinks 'the world owes YOU something and you are the center of the universe" Plus, you know nothing about the proper boundaries of acceptable, mature behavior. It's my guess, that your Mother gives you 3 hots, a cot, and a roof over your head. Also, I must assume she loves you and feels responsible you. It must make her feel deeply saddened to see you making such poor life choices. re: drinking, partying, dating a 20 year old bf. I suggest you sit with your Mother, tell her you love her (because I know you do) and tell her, you want to improve your relationship. Then maturely and humbly close your mouth and listen to her answer. Solutions are best worked out when young people can stop mouthing off about just what 'they' want and make the decison to listen carefully to what Mom has to say.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
I'm afraid here there is no quick solution. You have not made it clear WHY your Mum disapproves so much. Is it purely just because he's older, or could there be something she isn't telling you?
In your Mum's eyes nobody is good enough for her little girl. Maybe she disapproves of your boyfriends' age because she doesn't want you to get hurt? Maybe she's trying to protect you?
I get the impression she shows off about you to her friend because she is proud of everything you do and accomplish. You may have your differences but deep down you know she loves and respects your choices. Even if you don't do it her way, in time she'll come around.
Doing outrageous things to spite her is not the answer. It hurts you deep down inside because even though you are a big girl now, there will always be a deep maternal bond between the two of you. Something that goes deeper than says things and having rows.
Talk to your Mum and see what the problem is. She won't want to do things your way and you probably don't want to do things her way either. So try and meet in the middle, come to a comprimise. Who knows, it could work out!
Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
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