A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i have been with this really great guy he is 26 and I'm 27, But i think that he checks out my mother. I don't really know for sure. I asked him about it and he says thats crazy. But here is something i do know for sure. My mother is 48 years old and she is attractive for her age.And something has been bothering me that she does and it makes me uncomfortable. She keeps trying to act sexy in front of my boyfriend and bends over in front of him and sticks her boobs out. And she is also very rude to me and says mean things about me to him.And she puts on more makeup after we get there. I really don't know what to do about it. I asked my friend what the deal with that was and she said that its because she is getting older and i am younger and more beautiful and she is competing with me. She also flirts with him. But if she is around my dad she doesn't. He has no idea what is going on.THis hurts me very much that she is doing this to me. I just cant understand why my mother would do that to me. Also she used to talk to my ex husband and not tell me about it. She also told me when we separated that my ex husband needed an older woman to take care of him. She always has said i am not good enough. I have hated her for that for a very long time. I can never trust her. I dont know what to do. Please help.
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male
reader, tekni  +, writes (30 March 2015):
Mature women are often lacking the attention and sexual excitement of competing for men. It connects with natural evolution and it would boost your Mums ego tremendously for the young man to like her and find her desirable. Do not be so touchy and jealous as more relationships are destroyed by petty jealousy than any thing else. I have seen women driven crazy by it. Allow her full reign to do as she pleases and be positive in the knowledge that your man will do the right thing if it comes to a delicate situation. Apologise to your boyfriend for her crush on him and shake your head in disbelief at her stupidity. Get him to laugh about it if you can. Never ever let him think you don't trust him or this will come back to bite you. Even if your Mum seduces him every young man has more than enough hormones for a dozen women. The most important thing is he comes to you 1st and always. He identifies with you and loves you that is all that matters. Flirting and the vast majority of flings on the side are of NO long term consequence unless you force them together with your jealousy and leave him no where to go but into the other woman's arms for sympathy. Believe me he has more than enough sexual energy for a dozen women and if another woman is determined to seduce him for a brief fling that's life. So pull up your 'Big Girl Panties' and shrug them off as sexually needy tramps who briefly pass in the dark side of life. Spit on them if you must, but it's better to totally ignore them for they hate knowing they are unimportant and have nothing to do with your life or long term happiness - unless you let them in.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Your mother demeans you by saying you are not good enough. She undermines your relationships by belittling you to your spouse or boyfriend. She adopts suggestive poses and sexualizes her appearance in their presence.Have you considered that your mother displays classic Narcissistic behavior?Research that personality disorder. Also research support groups for adult children of narcissists. For now, ask your boyfriend to discontinue contact with your mother that does not include you.Do not socialize with your boyfriend and your mother together. Do not go to your parents' home with your boyfriend or any other friends. Interact with your mother only when you are alone.Your mother has lost the right to your trust. You cannot change her behavior. You can only change your interactions with her by limiting them and removing yourself from her targeting actions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Hey honey I'm so sorry your going through this with your mum.. I'm in my 40's and I have a son nineteen and two young daughters 5 and 1yr old...and I would never want them to think that I was competing with them, or say the things your mum has said for whatever reason she may feel she has..As moms go, I think you got the short straw... And if I was you I think you need to put some distances between you and your mom however hard that maybe .. A mother's home should be a haven a place for comfort and peace.. And I really really feel for you.. Don't let your mom undermine your confidence and your self worth until there nothing left.. Chin up and stand strong...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Guys are sometimes totally oblivious to these types of situations and signals women send them so maybe he isn't aware thats happening.
Have you talked to your mom about her competitive behaviour? i would call her out on it because in the end she is acting completely ridiculous.
Also in regards to what your friend was saying, maybe your mother is going through a midlife crisis.
A mother should not be trying to put her daughter down and should be happy instead that you have found love. If she doesn't change and still acts so selfish, either distance your visits, just visit either on your own or when you know your father is around.
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