A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 year old female doing UG course in a college.I am madly in love with an old man who is 65 years old. I call him uncle. I know him from childhood and he is very close to our family. In the college I am an introvert seldom mingle with oppo. sexes. Having almost no friends. I have no father, and mother is with another man. I have no brothers or sisters. From childhood I used to spend lot of time with uncle. He is all to me. Recently I slept with him. (He never requested to do so) He did foreplay for me on my request and refused to have sexual intercourse. He masterbated for me and I orgasm twice. He treated me like a small child. Why he refused to have intercourse which I needed very badly that day. He has no wife, and one son married living in other place. My mind in turmoiled and cannot concentrate on my studies. Please Please advise me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Real love is independent of age, and sexual attraction is the same way. If you like each other and are of legal age, make your own choices and enjoy yourselves. There are many cultures in the world that respect such unions. Just do what feels right and don't worry too much about what other folks think. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): i am not much help with ur situation but am in a similar one myself i have fell in love with a chap of 25 i am 52 and love him very much and him me i have spoken to certain members of my family and they have said go for it you only live once follow your heart xx
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I am aged 32 and my parents are just about the age of of the guy you mention. I am open minded about age gaps as my husband is 8 years older than me.
However!!! This is way way too much. No good, and not right, he must be far older than your parents!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): You must see a councilor for help. You cannot fall in love or have sex with such an old man. It is not good for your future. Consider him as your father or uncle as you call. Nothing beyond that.
Good Luck !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Sorry, but i find this a weird one. This isnt right and i think you need to walk away now. You are looking for a sort of parental figure, yet you want sex, have you considered having counselling? Maybe that will help to sort your head out.
take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Only a matured councilor can give an appropriate answer to this. Let us wait for a couple of days. I have a daughter of this age. I think all this because she has no father. Also mother may not have taken proper care of her in childhood. I think he is an excellent person for you to trust on. Speak to him all your feelings. I am sure he will guide you.
Try to get another friend/guy of your age. Consider this man as your father or real uncle and love him. A father will never wish to have sex with his daughter unless he is a pervert. Father/daughter love is something pure without any blemishes.
He is too old for you to get married and lead a normal life. You have so many years ahead of you. Remember that.
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A
female
reader, Indigo616  +, writes (5 June 2008):
Hi there,
Yikes... Although you have feelings for that guy, it honestly doesn't sound like its for the right reasons. I'm sorry you're having trouble finding friends, but it happens to the best of us. Don't just settle for someone you know, especially since he's been a family friend and he's that much older than you.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you think maybe you have feelings for him since you're father was around? Just asking this cause I was in a similar situation and didn't realize what I was doing till after the fact. My father was barely ever around growing up and the second I started dating, I was looking for older men. I originally thought it was because I was more mature than most guys my age, which I still believe to be true. However, all my friends thought I was nuts, but I craved to have someone older in my life that I could learn from too. But once I started seeing someone that was 40 when I was 21, I understood why I was feeling the way I was.
The other thing is that something doesn't sound right with that guy. If he was around when you were a child and he still wants to be "with" you in a sense, that's not good. Sounds borderline incestuous. Did he act like a father figure to you? Just seems like you're going a bit too close to home.
I don't know all the details and all, as I'm not you, but if I were you based on what you mentioned, I would get away from that situation. Its honestly not a healthy one.
Also, why do you feel like you don't have any friends? Could you try to join a club at school or something? College is supposed to be a time for personal growth too, a chance to work on your social skills as they'll be critical to your success no matter what you go to school for.
Hope I've helped. Hang in there ; )
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I dont typiclly advise people of THAT kind of age gap to create a relationship, I have done it, and many other girls I know have done it, and it just dosnt work out. What I find to be ironic about this is that you, myself, and all the other girls I know that have been with a guy much older than us, all grew up without our dads. And what this tells me is that we are drawn to that "father figure" and seek relations to fill that void. Is there any reason (besides your upbringing) that cause you to be antisocial? Are you choosing to be that way, or are you simply having a hard time connecting with people? You are in college, which is a perfect place to meet people that share common ground with you. I'm not saying it is terrible that you are crazy about an older guy, but ~ think you would be much happier in the future if you stuck with guys around your age, or maybe even a little older. I understand this is the only person you know, but having sexual relations with him might jepordize your friendship with him too.
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