A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im having a sexual relationship with a married man and his wifes pregnant.we love seeing each other and touching each other but now his babies on the way i don't know what to do.should i stay with him or leave him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): Well, under the circumstances, you probably should give him some space even if he doesn't want it. Right now he needs to focus on his wife's needs and on this baby that is on the way. I'm not saying you should never see him again, because I try to be realistic. How often are you seeing him now? If weekly, then change to monthly, and make it less often as you get closer to the birth. Play it by ear though as you may find he naturally moves away from you anyway as his father instincts kick in.
A
female
reader, love sucks!  +, writes (23 April 2007):
You need to move on. He is not worth your time if he's married and has a baby on the way which means hes sleeping with both of you and that means that you are sleeping with his wife too! I have a friend in the same kinda situation and i tell her this same stuff all the time. You ever read the book "Hes just not that into you". If you have never read it, read it. It could help you. Who wants a man that can't commit all his love and attention to you ?? Really you aren't thinking clearly and there is WAYYY more men in this world that ARE SINGLE and they will give you all you need and more.*Moderator Note: Stick with the opinions and advice, but there is no reason to swear and call the poster "stupid".*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Good advice all. But I am with anon male more, maybe because I am also a male. It was brief and to the point. He cheated (betrayed) his wife, and at a time when she needs his support most. How can you think he would ever be faithful to you? It is always bad judgement for anyone to have an affair with a married man/woman,...especially when there are children involved. Back out now, and look for love in the right places. This one is definitely the wrong place. Sincerely, Tom
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): your the outsider in all this and you didnt say how long you have been going out with this married man for but if its over 9 months then clearly he still has strong feelings for his wife or they wouldnt be having a baby. you should exit this mans life now just the way you came in quiteley and leave him and his new to be family alone. you ought to know at your age not to get mixed up with a married man he isnt your to have until the day the divorce comes through well its clearly not coming any day soon only the announcement of a happy new addition. i know im speaking harsh and you may want all the oh dear ahhh you poor thing syndrome but i aint gonna give you that you need to respect the boundaries and whether it was you or him that struck up the relationship in the first place you need to be the first one to leave it now and make it for good. there are plenty of single men to go round make it a priority to get one soon and hope that when your expecting a baby that the same thing doesnt happen to you its all swings and roundabouts think about that one
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): You need to let him go, dear and never look back. This has never been about 'you and him'...he was never yours to keep-he has a wife. Now she is going to give birth to their child. They will be a family. She will need all of her her husband's love affections and support were during this very emotional time. He will need to focus his energies on his family in order to provide a good, happy future for this child. One of the most important things he has to do now, is keep respecting, committing and honoring his wife. The child will benefit from Mom and Dad loving each other. . He hasn't done that so far, has he..having you available for his fun and games on the side. He has done a grave injustice to his wife--he has lied and cheated to her and you have contributed to that lie. Don't allow him to do that to his child as well. It is time for him, to shape up and be a responsible, trustworthy, honorable man. I'm not sure if he will change for the better..because he is not a man of integrity and character is seriously lacking, But he is going to be a Father...give him the opportunity to prove to himself that he can be a great father. The only way he can do this..is for you to tell him goodbye...forever. never contact him again. Once you have done that...sit and reflect about yourself and what led you into this adulterous situation with a married man to begin with. What is lacking in your life and in your moral compass and ethical worldview. You need to fully take responsibility and gain an understanding about your lack of restraint, your desperate neediness to have sex with a man who was never yours to begin with and why you allowed yourself to be just there to meet 'his needs'. You need to learn about boundaries and how you should have the strength to use them by saying "no" to any or all unavailable men that approach you, in the future. Learn how you can avoid inviting unsavory, men of low character into your bed. Identify that weakness in you and fix it. That is crucial. After you do some careful introspection, and heal from this...there are a lot of wonderful, single men out there for you to date. Please tell me...you will never, ever interfere in another woman's marriage again. You are better than that. Gain your pride and self-respect back and say "see ya' to this man. This could be the beginning of truley living a good, quality life and finding out 'who' you are and why you did what you did. Take this negative and turn it into a positive life path for yourself. The choice is yours. Take care, dear and good luck in your future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): well you need to ask yourself that question and be honest with your answers. just take it one step at a time
are you happy being the other woman?
how are you going to feel when the due date nears and his wife needs him more? buying the cot, pram, baby clothes, painting the nursery, etc
what is it going to be like for you when baby arrives and he is showing him/her off to his extended family and friends?
whats birthdays and christmas, illness and first day at nursery or primary school spell for you?
what if you become pregnant by him? will you be ok with your child not having his/her father around when he is needed due to his other families commitments; and could you cope financially? babies arent cheap.
are you prepared to accept the consequences if his wife discovers the truth and would you trust him to be faithfull to you?
only you know the answers to these questions. id say you have some serious thinking to do, but then you know that.
im sorry honey, but im not going to judge you or tell you what to do. i can only hope that by pointing out the facts of your situation you cant choose for yourself. good luck whatever your decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Leave him, definitely. The last thing his pregnant wife (and soon mother of his newborn) will need is to find out that her husband has been playing away during her pregnancy. Think about it her way. How would you feel if you were pregnant and about to give birth when you found out that your husband has been having an affair. It would devastate you wouldn't it? So leave him, move on, find a single guy and make sure that you've learnt your lesson never to get involved with an attached man again, no matter how many excuses they make that they are not happy with their wives/fiancees/girlfriends they are with them after all and why would they still be with them if they weren't happy in their relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Oh yes, I think you should. Not only because of the obvious marriage between the two, but think about it - wouldn't it be prudent for the father to live up to the moral learning of being responsible and truthful to his children, than to continue to hide behind a veil, having sex with someone aside from the wife?
However, I have to admit, it's kind of strange you're asking this question. I would think at age 22-25, you will be able to tell what is wrong from what is right. [wink]
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Leave him. Not because his wife is having a baby but because he is seeing you. If he can cheat on his pregnant wife whom he has promised to love till death do us part, how can there be a future for you both.
As the relationship described sounds purely sexual, find someone unattached. Don't be selfish and hurt other eople just to satisfy your urges.
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