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My manager and I have a crush on each other. What advice can you offer on dating, or not dating him?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 July 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 July 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My manager and I have "secretly" liked one another for the past three months.

We never did anything directly due to professionality but I'm sure both of us could tell.

And considering he's extremely busy it probably wouldn't have worked out. Now he's the manager at another store. On his last day here, he made it very obvious that he liked me.

Most of it seemed unintentional like he couldn't help it and it was cute. It's unlikely he'll be my manager again. We've been talking a little more and I wonder where this is going. Does anyone have advice on dating (or not dating) your manager or coworker? And if he were still my manager? Thanks.

View related questions: co-worker, crush

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012):

Thank you for the great answers. I agree, we probably wouldn't act on anything if he were still my manager. Unless we've known one another for awhile and we're sure. But I supposed there's no harm since he's no longer my manager. He is still very busy though. He works 6 days, 12 hours a day. Our company isn't the best and basically uses all the labor it can get out of the fewest people. But anyway to answer your question, he is just two years older than me and single. I'm okay with seeing him just once a week or whenever. If it doesn't work out I guess I have nothing to lose.

Anyone else?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (26 July 2012):

Honeypie agony auntHow old is he? Is he currently dating anyone? Is he married? If you can answer no, the the last two questions and if you want to go out on a date with him, why not?

In general I believe in no dating co-workers. Since he is not working with you at the same locations I think it is not such a bad idea. Though him being at another location doesn't make him less busy does it?

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A male reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (26 July 2012):

Uncle PJ agony auntIf he were still your manager at your store then I would have strongly advised not to consider dating him. Mixing business with pleasure is definitely not a good thing to do, also the phrase messing on you own doorstep is quite apt too, as it can lead to very awkward times. I'd also think about the age gap, if there is one, this could hinder relationship chances depending on the people involved.

But since he has moved to a different store, and if there's not too much chance of him returning to your store, then I'd say you could definitely consider it.

The best thing to do in these sort of situations though is to take it extremely slow, just to make sure that you both do want something and it isn't/wasn't just a colleague's lust. So I'd say to properly talk to him about it, how you feel about him and ask him what he'd want from this. If it matches what you'd potentially be wanting, then pursue it and I hope it all turns out okay for you.

I hope this helps and I wish you all the best of luck with whichever decision you choose. Hoping you receive many happy times with whatever happens.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (25 July 2012):

aunt honesty agony auntWell he has now changed to another store and he is no longer your manager, so I think if you like him then you should go for it, you have nothing to lose. If he was still your manager then yes I would question is it really worth acting on your feelings, as this can often lead to a lot of problems at work, with co workers feeling he might be treating you better and they get jealous and turn on you, or even if it never worked out and you both could not handle it professionally at work, there are plenty of signs to stay away from someone who is a co worker or a manager but again this depends on your priorities, on how much you want to be with him and how important your job is.

As you said though he has moved so why not ask him out on a date now he is no longer your manager and see where it takes you to. Good luck.

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