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anonymous
writes: I am 56 yr. old female who has been in an intimate relationship for approximately 6 months. (I am a widow,I was married for 30 years, and extremely attractive. Things are going very well. We recently vacationed together and spend our weekends together. He is 59. He was married twice. The first time for 18 years the second for 10. He has no children. We met through a dating service. He is very generous, kind and considerate. What troubles me is that he is still in contact with previous dating service matches, doesn't see them, just chats with them. Also, he has logged on to the service within the past 24 hours. I'm having the time of my life with him, but it bothers me that I could be Not Miss Right but Miss Right Now until he finds someone more to his liking. Am I paranoid, should I dispell this concern, or could he possibly be a womanizer? He is relatively financially secure, I am not in the greatest financial health. Could he be looking for his financial match, as I have met men who like many women are looking for their financial equal.Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Tartanlady, writes (25 February 2005): Dear TormentedI am only 31(nearly) but I know what it means if a guy doesn't stop using internet dating services OR feels the need to chat to acquaintances he has made over the NET. Generally it means that he is still interested in meeting somebody over the net. It is HIGHLY unlikely that he is in contact with someone just for the sake of asking advice about his blossoming relationship with a 56 year old extremely attractive widow. You say you have an "intimate relationship" with him. What else is this relationship? Do you guys go out ? Have you met any of his friends/supposed children/family? In other words: What are your objectives when pursuing this relationship?Chances are: He has trouble adjusting to the fact that he IS 59 and he most likely thinks that he can meet lots of woman. Maybe richer. Maybe different. In other words: He is not willing to settle and wants to play the field. At 59. Why don't you do likewise? If you are attractive, there are plenty of mature men out there who are looking for a match.How do you know about him being online? You obviously feel you cannot trust him - . Bottom line is: You are spying on him. And you found out something you don't like. You should also know that noboby likes being spied on. And they will have very little respect for someone who admits to spying on them. If you want to confront him do. You will probably end up minus the man to have an intimate relationship with again but you will have stood up for yourself and demonstrated that you do not consider his behavious as acceptable. If you want to be strung along and are happy with having an occasional good time just hang in there and keep spying on him - until you get fed up. And you will get fed up. It happened to me. On your fear as regards him meeting a "better financial match" : Presuming that he is just looking for a financial match and not a match half his age... I can assure you: There are not MANY motives why a young millionairess will want to be with your internet casanova. The matter that causes the most concernt to me is: You seem to be insecure about your financial status impacting on the relationship. I myself am not rich but I can support myself adequately. My financial status has never been and will never be an issue as I feel I have all I need. And I would be willing to make a contribution to anyone who endeavoured to build a life with me. No matter if they are financiallly secure or not.If you feel you are not in control of your financial situation start looking into that matter - you are never too old to learn or add qualifications to your CV and there are jobs out there! It would also take away your focus from the relationship which can be helpful. You shouldn't have to feel miserable about being financially insecure - it's not a person's financial status that makes them likeable but the ambition to be your personal best. If YOU should happen to be the one looking for someone to offer YOU financial security, you should question that motive. He might think you are an extremely attractive 56 year old lady but you might just be in it for the "money". If you are not, adress this issue with him. Maybe he is just as concerned as you are.But get out of limbo.Fond regardsTartanlady
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