A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My man recently accused me of messing around with his brother! Should I stay with him or let him go? I find the accusation very disrespectful!!! Then he tells me his family told him about me- these are the very same people who smile to my face and accept things from me! I just don't get it... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Assuming there's absolutely no truth in the allegation, I'd say it's time to move on and find a man who trusts you. If he's like this now, imagine how things would be if, God forbid, you ever got married!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Assuming there's absolutely no truth in the allegation, I'd say it's time to move on and find a man who trusts you. If he's like this now, imagine how things would be if, God forbid, you ever got married!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): You both may have incompatible personalities, whereas your the friendly type around men, and he may perceive this as a threat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): There's not a lot of information to go on here, dear. Are you saying your bf's family told him, you were cheating with his brother? Your end statement "I just don't get it" is very telling, in that I take it as meaning, that all this came out of nowhere. If this is so, and you did nothing wrong to warrant this horrid accusation on their part, you are dealing with some very toxic people. And some families are this way. They don't need a reason to dislike an 'outsider'...they just do. Do you need this grief? Really, think about that. Your bf has been around them and their dysfunction all his life, he knows how they operate. Sadly, he too is one of them as, he is not standing up to them to protect your reputation. This is not love, nor respect for you. This will worsen over time if you stay with him. Drop him...any man who allows his family to degrade his gf and then accuses her of an untruth himself, is not worth the trouble you will be signing up for, over the long term. Take what you learned from this experience and become a wiser, more informed person. Good luck and I wish you happiness and wisdom in your future and the choices you make, in deciding who is the best for you and your life. TAke care and never allow others to tear you down. No one has the right to do that.
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A
female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Oh my God, I'm having deja vu here. My husband's family use to talk about me all the time and they said some very horrible things about me behind my back to my husband, but whenever I was around them, they were sweet as pie and treated me like I was a queen. They're cowards and afraid of me and my influence over their son. They thought that if they poisoned his mind against me, he would leave me. They didn't want me to find out they were the ones behind it, they would rather have their son do the dirty work of dumping me. That way they would be rid of me and I wouldn't have a bad opinion of them. I would think badly of their son, which they wanted me to think so I would stay away from him. Luckily for me, my husband has never left me. He would tell me what they said about me, and we soon started to laugh about it. I still crack up at the length and depth they went through to get him to leave me. How sad that there are people that are so selfish they care more for their own happiness than their children's. My advice for you is to ignore his family and to make yourself scarce around them. They don't like you and there is no reason for you to associate with them. Maybe some day in the future you will win them over, but for now, just stay away. And as for your boyfriend, ask him if he truly thinks deep down that you "messed around" with his brother. Ask him to not take what his family told him about you and to really think about it. If you think his brother is in on it, don't tell him to ask his brother for himself. His brother will lie and make things worse. As for staying with him, that's something you have to decide. This will not be the first time his family will attack you from behind, and you have to be strong enough to deal with it. Your boyfriend also has a really tough decision to make. It's going to come down to your word over his family's. If he stays with you, he's telling his family he believes you over them and it's going to cause some friction between them. He has to be strong enough to deal with it, too. Karma is a bitch, and whatever his family has done to wrong you will come back three times over. Just trust in your boyfriend's good judgment, and wait it out. If he chooses to not believe you, then he's really not worth it anyway, now is he?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 Many people have masks. Now you know their true faces.
You certainly have a right to feel that way if you are wrongly accused of that.
Since your b/f do not trust you , what is the point of staying on ?
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A
female
reader, tammy-kay  +, writes (23 March 2008):
no dont let them have the satisfaction of getting rid of you cause thats most probably all there trying to do there just jealous he found someone who he wants to be with mum mainly she was the only women his life then you came along you need to ask him if he loves you and if he say's he does then tell him he needs to also trust you i find men are so insecure so they jump to there family for advice but sometimes there family are always right or telling the truth......
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Nope. A good relationship is built on two things: trust and communication. He doesn't trust you and can't properly communicate it. Find someone who respects you.
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